Tulsi Leaf

Love

2012-03-10T16:08:00.001-05:00

So I went to Gossamer. I fell in love. I spent money.

Where 30 year olds go to retire......

2012-03-09T11:28:00.001-05:00

I can't believe it, we are really in Portland!! I feel so stupid though, I brought my battery charger for my camera and not my camera! So you will have to settle for cell phone pics!

moving on up.......

2012-03-03T20:44:00.002-05:00

So, as most of you know, I am in hair school. At first I hated it. Not because I hate doing hair, but because I have been in a salon SO long that going to school is like learning what I already know. Only with bad teachers. So I am paying 12k just to come home and ask my Mum, "what should I do?" A piece of paper is worth 12k, so sad.

But anyways. I figure since I am in school, and graduating soonish (6 months) why not start thinking about the future and my business and what I want to do and all that.

So here is the "future".

Bouffant Betty's

This is my beauty blog. I feel so weird calling it a "beauty blog" as I dont think of myself as beautiful and saying i am in the profession of making people "beautiful", so weird.

But anyways, if you want to follow, please do!

Familiar

2012-02-27T13:58:00.001-05:00

I will apologize in advance for the lack of quality pictures. Since moving and school, things are everywhere and my phone is the only constant. Also it has a Blogger app! So much easier.

Since we will be moving to Oregon later this year, I have decided to start knitting some woolies and this is my third or so. It's a coal pattern that I am just making into a scarf. I live it and the yarn!!! Malabrigo Rios has to be new favorite. V

It's all so quiet, Shhhhh Shhhhhh

2012-01-19T12:02:00.002-05:00

It's been so quiet here. I haven't been posting or replying to anyones posts. Reason being as I have been moving out of my house.

A while ago we decided we wanted to get out of Florida. So we made moves to do that. We moved out of our lovely house and in with my mother for 6 months so we can save money and I can go to school full time. Once I am licensed and ready to go, husband, myself, child and dogs (and maybe my mother) will be moving to Portland, OR.

I'm terrified, but I think this is going to be SO much fun.

Where did the time go?

2011-11-03T00:27:00.003-04:00

Is it November again?

For a big reason, this month is very hard on me. In 2008 something no woman wanting babies wants to go through happened to me. As much as I have gotten over it, sometimes in the middle of the night or just as I am waking from dreams I can smell what could have been, sleeping in the bed next to me. There are no words or actions that a woman can do to get over this, she just has to find a way. For me, it's been 3 years and I am still in limbo. Not being able to let go of him. Every year I say to myself I am going to let go of him, but December comes and then the New Year and I am still gripping onto him white knuckled. Maybe one day I will be able to let him go so that I have room in my heart for another. I make excuses for the reasons I have no had another baby, but I know it's from not letting him go. The nights, like tonight, where I have had a bit to drink I feel the need to play with fire so that I can see him(where ever he is) dancing. Some people like to use water to see things, but the hidden pyro in me prefers to thread my fingers through the fire.

It's been so long since I have held a child to my breast. Since I have smelt their little heads and had their fingers wrap around my hair. My heart hurts for it.

When I feel this way, this song is the only thing that makes sense and relieves that horrid feeling in my heart.

So Tired.

2011-10-27T11:29:00.003-04:00

Is it possible? To be so tired that you can't wake up in the morning?

I just have to say that I am EXTREMELY lucky to have the child that I do. M is just the best behaved little thing in the world. Since school gets out at nearly 10pm, it takes me so long to wind down so I may go to bed. What time do I go to bed? Try 2am. It's wearing on me. My brain just will not shut off. I sit on the computer trying to numb my brain, but then it occurred to me, THAT is keeping me up.

Take this morning, which is like every morning. I woke up at 10am. I am so ashamed to admit this. M must have gotten up at 8:30 or so. I can not thank her enough though. She will sit on my bed and read her books, grab her babies and cuddle with me, try to wake me up(which works for about 10 minutes then I crash back to sleep), put the dogs outside and keep herself occupied. Never once does she do anything she knows she is not supposed to. I am truly blessed with her. But I can't begin to tell you how awful this makes me feel, because I am creating a massive problem.

Because I don't get her up early enough in the mornings, she doesn't go to bed early enough in the evenings. So she is up till nearly 10pm in her room. But I just don't know what to do about this. I sleep through alarms. Actually I get up, turn it off and go back to bed. The alarm is even across the room! Or M will turn it off for me. Homeschool is still doing well, but I just feel like I am not doing what I should be. I feel horrid in the mornings because I am over tired, I am not eating properly (unless you count ikea cookies for dinner last night) and my body is sooo tense. I had an appointment with the chiro last week and he was shocked at how tight my neck is. When he was manipulating my neck and arms (he does massage and not just adjustments. lots of sports medicine stuff to)it was SO painful. I can't tell you how painful it was. I was near in tears because of how tight my shoulders are.

This is one rambling post. But I am just over worked right now, haha. I think when I get home tonight I am going to do some light exercise. Some hooping, then a nice warm shower, some knitting and BED. I must put myself first of a night time, and actually take care of myself.

But on a good note, school is going great!! My first test I scored a 100% on and I am looking to kill this next test on bones and muscles. To graduate with honors I need a 95% average and I think I can do it.

Work calls. And I must answer. Bah. Then school right afterwards.

So tired.

2011-10-13T00:23:00.002-04:00

I wish I had photo's, but I don't.

Last week I started hair school. About 7 years ago I signed up, but didn't finish. Well after thinking about it for three weeks I decided to sign up. Last Monday was my first day and I kinda love it. Today I am home because I am not feeling well, but I'm kinda disappointed that I didn't just go. Honestly, I know I should have stayed at home. The adjustment to working/school/homeschooling and keeping the house and family in order is a lot. I was not eating properly, not drinking enough water and not sleeping well(funny thing I am sitting here at nearly half past midnight) and it's caught up with me. I actually took a nap today, and I woke up feeling parched and gross.

I still have to change over the laundry, put away the last of the clothes, clean up the kitchen and then fall into bed. Oh the life of a student for me.

Thank god for beer.

Fall

2011-10-04T13:11:00.001-04:00

So, when I generally think of fall I always think of school time. We started homeschool with M a few weeks ago and last night I started school for myself. Years ago I started hair school but I never finished. I had M and then everything went odd for a while. Well a few weeks ago I decided enough is enough and I am going back to school. I got to keep my hours, so I don't have to go as much this time around.

I should be done in June if I keep my butt in gear. Which I am hoping to. It's terrifying and exciting all together. But fun.

Special Day

2011-08-05T13:19:00.002-04:00

The Earth goes round the Sun

And Madeleine is 6!

Music Camp

2011-08-02T18:48:00.003-04:00

So, something amazing happened on Sunday night. You know those type of things where the stars align and something drops from the heavens? Well yea, that was Sunday.

My landlord is a sweet, sweet woman. I don't know how to describe her other than she is just a beautiful soul, who gave us a great discount on our house and treats our daughter with so much love. I met my landlord about 11 ish or so years ago when my mother started doing her hair. And the past three years we have been living in her rental. She takes wonderful care of us and there is just not more you can ask.

So Sunday. I get a call from her on my voicemail saying that at the Unity Church that she attends there is a childrens music camp. I was unsure of what the unity church was, but I decided to give the woman a call and the worst thing that could happen is M just doesn't go. We played phone tag and when we finally talked I was blown away. You know when you talk to someone and immediately you feel peaceful. Like this person was just sent from who knows where to give you exactly what you need? We have been looking for a community to be apart of, and since both myself and my husband are not really mainstream religions, it has always been hard. I chatted with the lady and we decided to put M in the music camp. Oh, did I mention it is completely FREE. Basically this camp is the product of her life's work. She wants to give children the gift of music in a different way. She wants it to come from their hearts, through their bodies and to really feel it and love it. The way she described it and what I saw from her first video I was astounded. Not only that, but the warmth and love coming from this place was overwhelming and I think we are going to try it. She knew about Waldorf schooling, was ecstatic when we told her we were homeschooling and she was just so warm.

So M has been in music camp since Monday and she is singing all the time, dancing all the time. She is happy, the grumpy little lady has left and my beautiful, sweet faced daughter is back. We were having a problem with her being so bored during the summer that she was getting the grumps. The camp is only this week and some of next week, but we will start taking her to the children's service on Sundays. The church has a Christian base, which although I am not Christian it doesn't bother me, but the way it is taught is so loving, so inclusive, so what it should be about. So I don't mind. The youth director has a degree in World Religions, so she knows a thing or two about other religions. It was just so I dunno. Warm. Almost like coming home. I was explaining to the director that we needed a community, a group of people who we could grow close to. We need friends and mentors for M and even ourselves.

Later last night, after M's first day, we called our landlord to thank her for thinking of us and to tell her we were going to try out the church. My mother is even coming, which is nice. She needs some love right now as she is going through a rather lonely patch. My husband is going to check it out, as from his upbringing you say the word Jesus and he gets leery. But he is willing to go, so it says something. And he says if it's wonderful then why not?

So Sunday we are going. I am very excited.

2011-07-15T00:17:00.002-04:00

It's been hot here. Very hot.

For me to say it's hot, that means something. You see, I grew up in Las Vegas. I know what hot is. 112 was nothing for me growing up. My friends and I used to run through the sprinklers and then lay our soaking wet bodies on the sidewalk and watch as our body prints would evaporate as quickly as we got up. So hot that your shoes would melt to the black top at recess, and if you wore jewelry it burned you.

But this heat down in Florida is so different. It chokes you and makes you feel like you are running out of air being buried in a box. Graphic? Dry heat I can take, but this humidity, it kills me. I see lots of lovely blogs talking about the warmth of summer. Sitting outside and enjoying summer nights, playing out in the grass. Down here we dare not do that. Sitting outside at night time will probably get you west nile virus because of the mosquito's eating any exposed skin (and that means your scalp to! And how can they bite you through jeans?). Playing outside is fine for about 10 minutes then heat exhaustion starts to set in. We are actually having advisories to stay indoors because of how hot it is. *sigh*

So when we do get out, we try to do something fun. Last night it was a quick bike ride up the trail before I had to start making dinner. Smoosh's bike is getting to small for her and since her birthday is around the corner we are thinking about a new one for her. I got her that bike at a thrift store. It was one of those disney bikes made up to be the Little Mermaid. I got it for like 8 bucks. So I took off all that crappy plastic stuff on the bike, put a new seat on it and new pedals. Strapped on a basket on the front and she loved it. When I gave it to her I had visions of her riding her bike all over the place, but she wasn't that into it. She's not really a physical kid. Prefers to read, paint, draw, or play with her babies. So we have been talking up a new bike, or rollerskates.

Can I say this? Helmets freak me out. Now, I always make sure that she wears her helmet when riding, but I always look at her and think about myself when I was her age. I never wore a helmet while riding and I don't now. I know that helmets are essential and such an easy thing to prevent such a tragic thing, but it just feels so alien to me. Do any of you in blogland not wear one? Have kids who don't wear them? I see kids around the neighborhood wearing helmets and knee pads and elbow pads and gloves and I wonder where the roller derby is! I remember the scrapes I used to get and I kind of think that is apart of childhood. I do think when I get my inner tubes replaced on my bike I will buy myself a helmet. I gotta set a good example.

Also, I have been reading like crazy. A friend of mine gave me a book to read and I got hooked. I haven't read anything since my daughter was born and this has given me the bug. Tomorrow hopefully I will update with what I have read, and what is on my list.

Warm Regards!

Summer catch up

2011-07-08T09:16:00.003-04:00

So I kind of forgot about my blog, which I have a tendency to do from time to time. Things have been busy around here, and I am trying to catch up. Overall summer has been hot, miserable and did I say HOT? Oh my goodness, I can't take the heat anymore. The good thing is that it has rained for nearly two weeks straight, the bad thing is that it is terrible for taking pictures! So I apologize in advance for my blurry, dark photos. It's the best I can do on my point and shoot camera. hopefully one day I can get a new shiny good camera. Maybe around tax return time?

Let's see, what has been going on?

Sorry for the horrid cell phone picture, but this is our new friend! Herbie came home with us in April and has been doing great so far. We have been talking about getting another dog for a while, as our other dog, Stingy was getting lonely. It took us about a year to settle on the idea, because we didn't want to make the wrong decision. My husband and I decided one day to go to the pound and "just look". Well that is how Stingy came home, but since we went without M we were able to be more strict in our choice. We had a rather tight criteria. Over 2, under 25 pounds, and a male. As we made our way through the aisle of pups all we kept seeing were ones that were to big. And let me tell you, this gorgeous lab/pit mix (and she was a BLUE!) almost came home with me. My heart broke to leave her, but we just couldn't do another 60+ pound dog. We just couldn't. So as I turn to my husband to say I don't think we will find anyone, I see him. "THAT'S IT!". I looked at this little pups stats and he made every single one. Male, 3 years old and 16 pounds of piebald dachshund! I was hooked. We took him out and he was just as sweet. Jumped right into my lap and was here to stay. Husband and I really talked about it while we were playing with him and then we decided to take him. We did all the paper work and had to wait a few days while he got fixed and his shots. Once we got him home it's like he's always been here. M is having a bit of trouble with him, as he isn't as into her as she is him. But we are learning how to be around a bit of a smaller dog. His disposition is wonderful. When he has had enough of M, he just runs away, but their relationship is blossoming. M is just so eager to snuggle him and pick him up and sometimes she has to be reminded that littler dogs sometimes don't like that. Stingy has been so much happier to have a friend and they are best buddies. So, Herbie has really made his place in our family!

We have been getting bigger,

hair is finally long enough to be braided

and we graduated Kindy!

I can't tell you how much we are going to miss Madeleine's teacher. Those loving, kind hands helped shape our daughter and teach her things that I never thought she could learn within the strict parameters of the Florida School System. It is so sad to even talk about how horrid the school system is down here, but I am so glad we were blessed with her. Recess has been taken away and their days are filled with scheduled computer time, lessons and things that are way to much for their little bodies. But she understood how to make a good compromise and that not only do children need to develop physically outside, but emotionally, socially and spiritually. She is just the sweetest and I hope when they "reevaluate" the school she stays. That school NEEDS her. Those children NEED her.

There have been delicious veggies burger made and eaten! I need to write down this recipe and share it as these burgers are amazing. In an attempt to make our food all home made and more healthier I have been trying new things. These burgers are made from black beans, some left over veg and bound together with wheat gluten. SO good. Recipe to come.

Puddles jumped in! (which are abundant here with the two weeks of rain!)

Bedrooms being rearranged and decorated! I will post a picture when the sun is out better and a few more things are up on the walls.

And finally things being knitted! I bought this gorgeous yarn from ThreeIrishGirls and it has special meaning to me. For a while I have been in a knitting rut and kind of a life right. Things are going better and with every stitch of this shawl that hole in my heart from when I lost the baby is being stitched back up. It's oddly healing, as I have never knitted like this before. Even with knitting for 26 years! I don't stay up so late anymore, the computer has been turned off and for those few hours a day I curl up on the couch and knit, my mind is calm and quiet. I am not worrying about finishing, as I am enjoying the process on this project. Hopefully this week the sun will come out and I can take a better picture to capture the colours better.

Graduation

2011-06-09T12:22:00.002-04:00

I didn't think I would be as emotional as I was. It's just a little end of the year ceremony.

But I fought back tears the whole time.

We started homeschooling Madeleine at the start of her kindy year, but because of certain things we ended up enrolling her in the public school down the street. I was nervous and upset that our dreams of homeschool weren't coming true, but you can't have everything. We were terribly lucky to be put with Mrs Ashmore. I can not tell you how amazing she is, how wonderful, how loving. She is a true kindergarten teacher. Someone who you want teaching your children if you can't do it yourself. I always felt sad for her that she isn't allowed to practice her craft, because teaching children really is a craft. The florida school system really limits the amount of teacher input and fills their days with so much work that there is little time for recess. But I always knew that as long as she was in Mrs. Ashmores loving, capable hands there was hope. And hope there was. M has blossomed so beautifully in her class. We got her last report card yesterday and I had to hold back the tears as I read what she said about my daughter.

"It was an honor to be M's kindergarten teacher this year. I am proud of her and all the progress she has made this year. It would be hard to find a girl who is more thoughtful of others than sweet M. She is more than ready to move on to first grade"

Then she wrote a note to each one of her children and put it in their memory folders. That made me tear up even more. It was sweet and special and well, i am tearing up just thinking about it again. When we finally made our way up to say goodbye to her she told us just how special M was to her. How she has never had a child think about her fellow students as much as M does. M takes it upon herself to help the other children along who are not doing so well. If she sees someone not making good choices, she makes sure she partners up with them so that she can help them make better ones. She is compassionate, and the most accepting child. My heart was nearly beating out of my chest listening. I couldn't even choke out the words thank you while I hugged her. I knew that if I would have said how grateful we really were I would have broke down sobbing. I knitted her a little shawlette and Madeleine made her a card. Then we talked about the school system and how there is just to much work. Then she said what made me know that she was the right teacher for M. She said that taking away recess and outside time doesn't help children grow. That going outside helps them develop physically, socially and SPIRITUALLY. I have never heard a teacher talk like that.

Onto the ceremony! It was a cute ceremony, filled with songs and dancing and slideshows. Her teacher walked into the room and was so overcome by the amount of people that showed up that she cried. We had to get more chairs and it really took her a few minutes to catch her breath so she could talk. That in turn made all of us mothers in the audience wipe away "something that got into our eyes". Such a sweet, sweet moment. To see her teacher so overcome with love. You just know that that love spills over to her children she teachers.

Marching in!

Having us parents learn their favorite song/dance. The Tooty Tot!

Walking through the little flower gate

And with me (ugh, I hate taking pics of myself. But I have to have pics of us)

And with her teacher, Mrs, Ashmore

I am glad the school year is over, but it's bittersweet. My baby is no longer a baby, it's certainly true.

sigh

2011-06-04T23:35:00.002-04:00

So, for extra money, I work part time with my mother at a hair salon. I shampoo hair and get drinks and do assistant work. It's okay. Not my favorite, but it's a job.

We have some wonderful clients and some that really work their way into your hearts and become family. Especially the older clients. I don't know what it is about an older woman who comes in every week to get her hair blow dried and chat, but they are my favorite. Well, we have one lady who comes in every Saturday. She is always there 15 minutes ahead of schedule and if she doesn't show up, something is up. So today I looked at the clock and noticed it was 10:55am. Her appointment isn't until 11, and well she still is early, but thats not like her. I looked at my mother and said "Where is she? Something must be wrong". And as I said that, she walked in and my heart sank. Her face said something was very wrong. Her walk said that she was about the collapse into a heap of tears. Her heart looked yanked from her chest and throw out the window of a train. She sat down and started talking to Mum. I had to grab something from the back but I came back to see Mum leading her back to the shampoo bowl, holding her hand and stroking her hair while she laid back. Something was terribly wrong. I looked at Mum and she told me her son had died 2 days before.

I just can't tell you how my heart breaks for her. How the tears welled up inside and almost spilled out. But I knew if she saw my tears for her, her own tears would come flooding out and who wants to cry like that in the middle of a salon? She is beside herself with grief and the horror of watching her son die in front of her. He fell ill at home and called for her from his room. She called for help but he didn't even make it to the ER.

The poor dear. She is one of those classy ladies. The type who never has an unkind word for anyone. When I had my daughter she showered her with gifts and still does. She had a beautiful handmade rag doll made for her, gave her a vintage doll of her own, bought her some clothes. Things like that. Everytime she comes in she asks me about "Little Bits". That is her pet name for my daughter. And sometimes I like to surprise her and bring in my daughter to see her.

My heart just breaks for her. I prayed for her and I will again. She is a devote Catholic and while I am not anymore, I think I might go to the local parish and light a candle for her and her son. I need to pick her up a card, but I also was thinking about knitting her a shawl. I don't know why, but part of me thinks that wrapping herself up in something handmade would be comforting.

2011-06-03T23:53:00.002-04:00

Where did my baby go?

Ever since this little soul was born, she has looked like her Papi. People would stop us and go, "Oh my she looks like her Daddy".

But then there are pictures, like this one, where she looks like me. I see that face and I am reminded of my own childhood and how everything needs to stop so that I can be there and remember all the wonderful things at that time.

Summer vacation is coming up and we have lots of things planned. Lots of BIG things. Hopefully we can get them all done.

Ah summer.

2011-05-28T10:34:00.003-04:00

Summer came early this year. It seems that every year it comes earlier and hotter. Generally by about August I am summered out. Hopefully this year won't be the case. I am trying to make the best of it, enjoy where I live. It's hard when everyone says you live in paradise, why wouldn't you enjoy it?! It's hot, it's clear outside and there is the beach 5 minutes from your doorstop. Well, it's just not MY paradise. My paradise is in the mountains, smelling trees. We are working on it, so I must be patient and not let my overly humid, hot summer mind take over and not let me enjoy anything.

My camera has been in my bag for the past week, but I haven't take a picture. Inspiration will come, I am sure of it. Same with my knitting, it will come. I knit a few rows of my daughter teacher's shawl here and there. But it makes me feel clunky and like I am not doing something I enjoy.

We are just waiting till the end of the school, which is the 8th. After that, inspiration will come. I am sure of it!

I hope you all are doing well!

Take care.

2011-03-13T19:35:00.002-04:00

i keep meaning to write and I thought that Sunday would be the perfect day to sit down and write up something really lovely.

Then Wednesday came along and my little one started coughing. Early Thursday morning around 3am we were awakened by "that cough". You Mama's know that cough. It says get out of the bed now and get to the bathroom. Well there went her dinner. Poor black beans and quinoa, she really did enjoy you on the way down. The way back up, not so much. She was burning up and normally I am not one to overly treat a fever, it was just to high and she was just to uncomfortable, so a dose and back to bed.

All day Thursday we layed on the couch and she breathed her hot little stinky breath into my face. When you are sick, where else would you like to be but in your Mama's arms cuddled right? I knew I was in for it. I stayed at home Thursday, Friday and Saturday. We have been chugging Emergen-C, ACF, vitamins, these elderberry homeopathic tablets (Sambocol? I think that is the name, but they are awesome!) and some motrin for when the aches and pains got to much for her to rest. Lots of cool wash cloths, movies and cuddles. Then Saturday evening rolled by and we went out to get some groceries. Half way through grocery shopping I started coughing. I knew it. M said she was feeling better so she went off to the other store with Papi and I stayed at home. My legs started to ache, my chest burn. Oh dear, oh dear. So I started with the preventatives and the tablets. And there I was on the couch 2 hours later burning up with fever and coughing like crazy.

I am pretty sick right now, my whole body just hurts to the touch. I am starving hungry but nothing sounds good. Madeleine went out with Mum earlier and she was looking so much better. So I thought the fresh air would do her well. Well she fell asleep in the cart in the store 3 hours ago and she is STILL asleep. She isn't feeling well still, because she never sleeps during the day. "Mama, the day is for eyes open!"

My husband is asleep, my daughter is asleep and I am here, coughing like crazy unable to sleep because everything hurts and I want the bed to myself and my husband is in it. I want the couch to myself, but the wee one is on it. Where oh where does Mama sleep?

School is tomorrow and I don't think I will let her go. I think she needs one more day of rest. I know I do. I need a month.

I hope you all are well, I read your blogs daily but sometimes I lack the words to reply. But I enjoy them greatly. Maybe this week I will post the pictures I took on Monday, they are sweet. Amidst all the pictures of snow I see from you ladies, my pictures of Spring might look strikingly different.

I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see.

2011-02-02T08:38:00.004-05:00

I wonder if I've been changed in the night?

Let me think.

Was I the same when I got up this morning?

I almost think I can remember feeling a little different.

But if I am not the same, the next question is,

"Who in the world am I?"

Ah, that's the great puzzle.

~Alice in Wonderland

M and I have been reading Alice in Wonderland on my new little toy I got. Since our tax return is rather lovely each year I decided to buy myself something because I never end up with presents. Every year husband and child end up with things because they need them and by the time I roll around for needing something, the money well disappeared. So this year I bought mine first and I got a Samsung Galaxy Tablet. I thought about an ipad but for one thing I couldn't justify the price(500+ is just to much) and another thing is the lack of flash bothered me. So I got this through my cell phone service for about 300 less and i LOVE it. Can I say how addictive Angry Birds is?

But back to the book. I think right now I am reading it more for my own enjoyment than hers. Of course she is enjoying it( I think it's because of the new toy), but where my head is, this book has found it. I might have touched on the subject lightly, but ever since the birth of my daughter 5 years ago I have suffered greatly with depression and anxiety. Some people suffer and go about their lives, and some people just can't. I'm the latter. I stopped driving, stopped going places, lost friends....... You name it, I have had it happen. Sometimes I delude myself into thinking that I have gotten better because I drove to pick up lunch at work. But driving to pick up lunch at work shouldn't make you feel like you climbed Mt. Everest. Getting out of bed and conning yourself into driving your kid to school, when it's 3 blocks away, shouldn't be a big deal. It just shouldn't, and yet it is for me. I have done therapy and while it just touched the surface after a year, it didn't help because I couldn't get up the courage to go and talk. I would miss sessions, cancel, no call no show, and finally I stopped going because even talking about what was bothering me was giving me panic attacks at the office. And she was nice, she was helpful, but I couldn't stop the panic to let it help. Insomnia has started again. I am up all hours of the night staring at a computer screen because I am bored, lonely, hungry, scared, whatever. I have put on 40 pounds, which on my under 5 foot tall frame is a ton, that has added to my already there weight problem. And eating disorder that I thought was under control came back and helped with that weight gain. My blood pressure is elevated, my heart rate needs to come down some, and I hurt all over. What prompted my doctors office visit was this horrific pain in my shoulder the other night that actually made me pause for a moment and contemplate going to the ER for chest pains. Well I made it to the doctor the next day and it seems that blow drying hair at work has done something to my rotator cuff, but while I was there we talked about my anxiety. My blood pressure was 130/100 and my pulse was around 130. Talk about anxiety. I had been fighting off medication for it for about 5 years. Doctors, therapists, friends, all have told me to just try it. I shrugged it off because it just sounded so, I dunno, not me. Well, the nurse practitioner I actually know personally from the local knitting store and I really like and trust her,wrote me a script and told me to try it. My mother was in the room and she told me that I have tried everything else and who knows, it might help. So we took it and we filled it.

I don't know how I feel about it. I stared at this tiny little yellow pill for 2 hours before I finally forced myself to swallow it. As it went down I put my hand to my forehead to see if I started to "shut up like a telescope". About two hours after that I fell asleep and slept so hard, and so restful. Was it the pill? A friend of mine said that this medication in particular helped with sleep right away. Good, because I can't go on with 4 hours of crap sleep a night. Yesterday I woke up and I felt different, but not. I didn't feel any different really, but my husband and I went into the big city and went to this awesome indian store and I walked around looking at everything and when we got into the car it dawned on me, I was fine. Still had some anxious thoughts, but I kinda shrugged it off. It was probably just a placebo effect on me (mind over matter) because I know it can take weeks for these things to work, but I dunno. I enjoyed myself. So last night I took my pill again and I woke up this morning groggy, sweaty palms and not anxious, but not settled. i slept well though. I need to go to work and I think my sweaty palms are because of that. My head is a bit foggy and my tummy is upset from it. I just want to sleeeeeeeeeeep sleeeeeeeeeeep sleeeeeeeeeeep. So I am thinking that is it.

Honestly, I don't know why I am talking about this here. It's such a private matter to me (only 3 people in my immediate circle know) but this space is easier to open up to. Maybe because I don't see you all personally? Hahaha, what a horrid thing to say though? But maybe because the pressure isn't so bad? Anyways, I have no clue, but I figure someone out there is going through this or has or will be.

Day 2, not so bad. Anxiety still there, slightly sweaty palms, but I slept well and I am getting to work soon.

Either Way

2011-01-26T12:06:00.002-05:00

Maybe the sun will shine today
The clouds will blow away
Maybe I won't feel so afraid
I will try to understand either way

Maybe you still love me maybe you don't
Either you will or you won't
Maybe you just need some time alone
I will try to understand
Everything has its plan
Either way I'm going to stay right for you

Maybe the sun will shine today
The clouds will roll away
Maybe I won't be so afraid
I will understand
Everything has its plan either way

That last verse says everything. I had this huge long post all written up and then this song came on while I was cleaning and the post didn't matter anymore, nothing mattered anymore but that last verse. Thank goddess for that last verse.

2011-01-09T18:47:00.001-05:00

Oh sometimes I forget that I have this place.

I will come back, once my camera is charged and spill a bit of head mess in here.

I hope you all are doing well, we are.

is this thing on?

2010-11-28T09:50:00.002-05:00

Well, I kinda forgot I had a blog! Well, not really, but I haven't been taking any pictures or anything like that. Everything is going well, work/school/home. We are getting ready to go out and gets some decorations for the holidays.

Anyone know how to repair a washing machine with rust spots in the drum? Yeah, mine has it. I don't have the money to replace either. I dunno what we are going to do until January when I can have my mothers old one.

Happy Halloween/Happy New Year!

2010-11-01T11:46:00.002-04:00

Funny thing. I didn't take hardly any pictures of anything we did on Halloween! I took the camera last night so that I could get some shots, but because of the neighborhood that my husband loves to take her to, I had to circle around for nearly an hour trying to find a parking space. It was SO packed. I know he loves taking her downtown , but next year we have to find a different strategy! So I didn't get any pictures of her trick or treating. I made it with the last block to spare and got to walk with her to 4 houses. She had fun though and her cowboy costume was a hit! M really wanted to be Woody from Toy Story, but the costumes they had were not very nice, so I found her this awesome cowboy costume from Marshalls for 20 bucks. I do have a picture on my phone, so I will upload that later on.

What I do have is pictures from the hippie festival Circus McGurkis the day before. Mum found M a witch costume at the thrift store for maybe 2 dollars and she wore that!

Her green boots make the outfit. Everyone was complimenting her on those boots. I love them myself. I put them with some black lacy socks and she was good to go. A 2 dollar witch hat from the chemist and look at her! I love this outfit, and the thing I adore even more is that it is a dress up outfit to! M made out this year with lots of new dress up outfits, her best one is this beautiful black velvet princess dress complete with hoop skirt.

We had a great time that day. Husband met up with friends from his temple and did some chanting

Nicole I know you will get a smile out of this!

I was a bit disappointed that there were no vegetarian food stands out anymore. When we first started going here about 7 years ago, there were so many vegetarian food stalls, and now there are none. Lots of barbecue. Which was sad, because I was HUNGRY! There was a big drum circle that went on and it was great to walk around listening to it (although I do have to admit I did choke on a laugh when they started chanting "I love my Mommy/I love my Papa).

I bought a hoop for a friend of mine and M took a picture of me spinning it

M always captures the most flattering angles! But talking, smiling and neck hooping all at once is hard work!

It was a great day though.

Except for the person who thought it would be a great idea to leave a rather smelly "present" in the bushes in the parking lot. Omg, I just....... well ya.

Warm Wishes!

To much.....

2010-10-25T19:26:00.003-04:00

This face cracks me up. What a silly fake smile.

This is the time of year I love. I don't know why I love this so much, maybe that everything pumpkin comes out, but I always long for this time of year. Husband and I were talking about when we get out of Florida being able to enjoy the fall. It makes my heart ache thinking about how far off it is, but I try to think of how quickly the last 5 years of my life has flown by. So it can't be to long?

M is in her second week of school. She had to miss Monday and Tuesday of this week due to a cold she brought him. I am fighting it off, but it is leaving me feeling terribly tired, unmotivated and just generally blah. It was nice to spend the day cuddled up to her on the couch. Not really talking to much, just hugging and nuzzling. I miss those baby days of her taking naps on me and feeling that tiny little boy curled up next to me. But whenever I long for her to be like that, I just remind myself of these amazing squeezes she gives me now.

The thing about this school. I don't know how I feel about her going to public. It is so far from what we wanted for her and I know that it won't ruin her (although I know I would have thrived better in a different school setting) but something about it makes me not want to love it. Her teacher is very sweet and is making it easier for me to be okay with it, but there are some things that just really stand out for me that make me feel uneasy. First thing, the row of 15 computers against the wall. What gets me about this is that the school needs funds. They will spend thousands of dollars on these classroom computers, but won't have nice seating for the children, proper mats for them to rest on (M has to use a towel on the ground)a teacher's aid, nicer toys. The computers really bother me. There is so much more that could have been purchased without those computers. Second, this week is drug abuse awareness week. I understand that being in the area we are and it being public that they will be exposed, but it upsets me to know that my child will be exposed to that WAY to early. Why does she need to know about drugs? Why does she have to know that the world is a big bad place, at 5 years old? I know that it can happen, so she needs to be aware because of the environment she is in, but it breaks my heart that she can't keep this magical outlook because outside influences are forcing people to make her face the real world. We are trying to keep our eye on the prize and keep faith that this will work, and that M will do fine. She enjoys it, looks forward to school and that says a lot. But still, well you know...

I haven't been knitting lately, no inspiration and I need to get something finished and sent off and it's killing my soul. I have no idea why I can't finish. Nothing against the receiver, or the person asking for it. I just am letting myself get in the way and it's WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY over due. This weekend, it must get done. It just has to. Sometimes when I get discouraged, my whole crafting mojo runs away. Maybe I need to shake things up a bit.

I wanna do fun things with my blog and make it a happier place to be, thats one of the reasons why I am not updating so much. Who wants to hear about the blah's? It's not exciting or cute.

When you wish upon a star.....

2010-10-18T22:56:00.003-04:00

Yes, that is made out of lego's.

So, I live about 90 minutes outside of Orlando. I would imagine you all know what that means I live near. Disney World. Since living in Florida I can count on 1 hand, using less than 1 finger the amount of times I have been there. Did I mention I have lived here for 10 years? Although I have managed to avoid the "Magic Kingdom" I have been to Pleasure Island, or Downtown Disney, once. Sunday made it twice. Normally I wouldn't really be into the idea of driving to Orlando, walking miles upon miles in the hot sun, spending to much money only to come home touched out, visually stimulated more than I can handle and my ears sensitive to the music that blasts around every corner. As you are probably thinking, yes I was dragged there. And since I figured I was going to be miserable, I made my husband come along with me. Misery, after all, loves company.

I just want to be clear on why I was apprehensive about going. You see, I have this rather gripping social anxiety. It's pretty horrid, and although I am working through this, there are just some things that are to upsetting for me to do yet. Going to Downtown Disney is one of them. The crowds, the heat, the music, the being miles upon miles away from the car(which is kind of a safety net. Should I get a bit anxious I could always sit in the car for a few, collect myself and then return. Well, when you have to be taken to your destination on BOAT you can't do that without a half an hour trip back to the car.)it's all to much for me still and I just don't like it. Not to mention we brought M's little cousins. So, to add to my anxiety there are children in the mix. Children that are not my own and my worst fear is losing a kid in a crowd. I live in Florida, after all, the land of pedophiles. Can you hear my heart pounding? Saturday night I lay in my bed just thinking of ways to get out of it, but M was so excited. You see, my mother went with her friend to Downtown Disney a few weeks ago and before she asked me she told M that she would take her. They made a date and then I was roped into it. It was only supposed to be M, Mum, husband and me. I was ok with that. Even kind of looking forward to that. Then my Aunt got involved and her grandkids and then we can't have M, her two other cousins going without the 4th cousin going because that just isn't fair. So before we know it our party of 4 has turned into a party of 8 and somehow my husband getting uninvited and everyone piling into my van. Ummm. PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANIC!!!!

But Sunday morning came and I woke up a bit calm. When everything was said and done, we had a great time, I stayed intact, and there were no casualties or fires. That is really all one can ask for when visiting Hell, err I mean Disney. M had a fantastic time, but it was a bit much for her. A few days before she received two injections for school ( I just feel horrid she had to have two in one go. What a trooper she was. So brave) so she hasn't really been poorly, but just not herself. She has a lump on her leg from the MMR, and well just needs extra time, cuddles and affection. The only thing that about gave me a heart attack from the whole day is how crowded it was and how little the kids were that we had. 4 kids under 8. M was the youngest at 5. That means they think they are old enough to go wandering, and well they are not. Many times I would look for my mother, who would just up and walk off with M, couldn't see her and that horrid feeling in your stomach would come over me. Or the one cousin I was responsible for would just walk off following my mother.

But fun was had by most. And faces were painted. M's cousins got girly things painted on their faces (her little boy cousin didn't want anything on his face) but M decided that that wasn't cool enough for her.

So she sat so perfectly still for this lovely man from Venezuela while he painted her face. It's amazing how children with ants in their pants suddenly become statues when getting their faces painted.

And when she was done......

Ah Hoy, me mateys!!!!!! Avast, ye scallywags!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG!

If you knew my kid personally, you would know that this pose is classic M. She is a pirate at heart.

When everyone else goes and gets all the glittery, pretty things, M has to go and get a ghost pirate. I do have to say, I adore her imagination. And her boldness to do what she wants, even when others try to tell her to do differently. I adore this ghost pirate!

Oh, and just a notation. Today was the first day that M went to kindergarten. I must have blogged about this before, but we had to stop homeschool because of scheduling. We were not exactly happy about this decision but we have to make the best of it. M loved her first day, her teacher seems very warm and caring and she felt comfortable at school. I guess that is all I can ask for for her. She wants to go back tomorrow and when her teacher "interviewed" her about her favorite things, she said her favorite food was tofu. The teacher got a kick out of her and was very impressed that she is reading. I hope, for M, that this turns out to be a good decision.

Warm Wishes.

a late WIP wednesday

2010-10-14T08:57:00.002-04:00

I did take this photo yesterday, I promise! And I was going to update it yesterday, promise. Life just ended up getting in the way and you should have seen my feet! So I spent the evening scrubbing toes, filing heels and lotions tootsies. The blog might be empty, but my feet are soft! Mmmmm, pepperminty lotion on my feet.

Anyways.

Ugh, I hate photographing red. It never comes out right, always to pink. To neon. It's is actually a beautiful lipstick red with the darker bits being more of a brick red. You would think it is neon pink red heart from this pic!

pattern: Buttony

yarn: Plymouth Happy Feet

colour: 4 Reds

Since it doesn't get to cold down here requiring a huge big winter coat, cardi's are where it's at! I have a bunch of sock yarn sitting around( I hate knitting socks!) so I figure I might as well make her some cardi's and jumpers. This is coming out a bit big, but hey she grows! I followed the pattern as directed and with fingering yarn it comes out to a good 5t. Perfect!

And while our house is filled with wonderful news of new adventures for Mummy and Papi going to school (Papi is going to become a jeweler) we have found out that homeschooling won't be an option for us anymore. My husband's schooling is from 7am-12pm and he has to work right after that. Normally that wouldn't be a problem, if I were a complete stay at home, but I am not. I work three days a week part time and we can not afford for me to not work. We had a rather extensive discussion about it last night, and there is just no way for all three of us to school unless M is in public. So what's more important? Of course my husband getting a career going and me getting back into music. Those are things that our family needs to function and to be healthy. Our family needs my husband to have a career because we can't live like this any longer. A meager wage from a chain coffee store and the measly little cash on the side doesn't pay the bills. It just really doesn't! We are drowning trying to cross off monthly bills and that means things are not being gotten. Homeschooling was starting to straighten out. It was starting to make sense. I am really angry about this, really sad about this. Life is just not panning out how I dreamed. I dreamed about having lots of little feet around, being a complete sahm, homeschooling, have a small online business. And instead, the little feet are not so little and they are lonely for siblings, I am taken away from her during the day and my online business is suffering because I am trying to fit in time for her and me and husband and house and work and..... everything else. Doesn't leave much. Not much at all.

The funny thing is that within me lamenting about this decision is a little girl who is excited to go school. Which I am SO grateful for. We told her last night about our decision and she was like "school will be great!" So, there is that. The only thing that really worries me is that because we selectively vax, she is behind on 2 shots and due for 1. Normally we would space them out and that would be fine, but she has to get three in one go and my needle phobic self is freaking out over that many in one go. We have told her about the shots because I really don't want her to be unprepared about it, my mother was like just don't tell her and act like you didn't know. Ok, if she was 2 well yea, but she is 5 will know that we know afterwards and will probably be mad that I didn't tell her. I asked her if she was scared and she said a little bit and went on with playing. Husband might have to take her in himself, but I am trying to see if I can go into work late tomorrow so I can go. I hate doctors offices, even though I adore our pediatrician. And I hate injections even more. I used to get so sick feeling when she had to get her injections. It'll be okay though

Finally!

2010-10-12T14:58:00.002-04:00

I've been so quiet around here because I couldn't find my camera cord, but now that I have it I can update.

So much has been going on lately.

School has been booked. I did my application, talked to my professor, filed for financial aide and all I have to do is register in November. I am terrified, but excited. I have been practicing for a bit a day and I am no where near what I used to be. That is the understatement of the century. You see that run? Would have been cake after 5 minutes of noodling around. It's painful. The piece is Three Preludes by Robert Muczynski, played at around 123 beats per minute. A nice allegro. Well I am STRUGGLING to play it at 82 bpm. On the 27th I have a private lesson with my professor and she wants me to have something ready to play for her. I keep telling myself that I don't need to have it up to speed, just be comfortable with it relatively fast and sounding good. But why I am a nervous about it now and it's still two weeks away?! I will not call up and cancel, I will not. The goal? People keep asking me, "well what are you going to DO at school?" Well, for right now I am going to just take my lessons, then maybe in the summer take a class with the bank or orchestra. After that? Who know's, maybe finish my performance degree.

That being said. School is going well for us. M got a rather fabulous magnifying glass and takes it everywhere with her. It's plastic, ugh, but I am learning to let go of that. Mum was being nice and bought her one and kept telling me "the wooden was is to heavy and this one you can SANITIZE!" Why must we sanitize everything? But I digress. M loves this thing and is constantly looking at things with it. Bugs, dirt, flowers, up my skirt.

We were also having fun taking pictures of her through the glass. I love this pic.

Her hair is growing longer to. Just past her shoulders, which is long for her. All through her baby hood we kept it at her chin because she just had the finest hair on top. Baby mullet all the way. And since it is curly, it was just wispy and light. Finally the top is long and it's thickening up more and more. So she begged me to let her grow it out and I figured since it was her hair, she made the decision. I can't lie and say I like it though. Everyone fawns over her hair getting longer, but I just look at it and sigh. To me it looks stringy and straggly all the time. It's so fine and soft that nothing stays clipped in it, and her curls are dragged down by it's length, so it's flat on top and flicks out in weird curls. Her bangs are growing out and they curl strangely to the side. I clip back her bangs and within ten minutes is a shaggy mess. When we keep it shorter itstays nicer looking, doesn't tangle and she looks so much prettier. So we've been keeping it back in pony tails and small "buns". She is crazy about buns in her hair. I think it's because the girl at the health food store that she is OBSESSED with (it's actually getting to the point when we go in there we have to scold her for trying to follow her around the store going "look mummy, there is ________!") wears her hair like it, so she wants to be like her. We actually share a name, so I think that is why M likes her so. Well that and the girl is just the sweetest thing in the world to put up with us! haha.

I adore this picture.

Home schooling is going well. We have loosened the reigns a bit and decided to just go with it. I still worry about M getting friends and all that, but I just have to trust that things will work out. She is reading. Taught herself how to read with me just helping her a bit. I can't believe it and it astounds me that my 5 year old is reading so well. There is one thing that does miff me a bit when family members talk about her. It's like they have never seen a kid read before, or write or colour or do addition and subtraction. I don't understand this need for your kid to be above average. The whole "Oh my! My child is GIFTED!" Sure, there are some kids that are just naturally more forward than others in some areas and then there are the select few that really just grasp things earlier than other kids making them gifted. But M is just average. She is a smart kid, but she is on target with everything. She isn't smarter than average kids, she isn't this child genius. My mother actually scolded me for correcting someone when they go "Ohh well M is just so smart." I said thank you, but she really is on target for her age and where she should be.

What's so wrong with average? What's so wrong with being right where you should be? Hmm. I like that my kid is doing just what she should be doing, right now, right where she should be.

Warm Wishes.

YAY!

2010-10-11T11:31:00.002-04:00

I found my camera cable!!! So I can finally upload some pictures and do a proper blog post.

The best bit though? My camera's battery is dead, so it is charging. Update later on today!

Boo.

2010-10-06T11:10:00.002-04:00

I have been wanting to update for a few days, but silly old me lost my camera cord. So I can not upload a few pictures that will tell a great story. I have a rather big announcement (sadly, not the impending arrival I have been hoping for. But we are working on that.) and the pictures really help it along, so today I am going to clean the house and look for it. It has to be around here somewhere. The dog didn't eat it, I am sure of it. And it is not the usual USB one, so I can't use my 100 USB cords I have lying around.

On a rather wonderful note. You will not be hearing of me complaining about the weather for a while. I wish you could hear what I am listening to right now. It is the sound of a gorgeous breeze coming through in my OPEN windows. That's right, the air conditioner has not been on in 3 or 4 days!!!!! The windows have been open and I have been enjoying 78 degree days with hardly a spot of humidity. The sound of the breeze in the trees is wonderful. I might even convince husband to take us to the beach today. It's to beautiful of a day to not go walk it. And hopefully I can find my cord so I can upload some pictures.

Warm Wishes!

is this thing on?

2010-09-23T23:11:00.002-04:00

I was thinking about updating the other day, but I just couldn't get on it. Normally I would use my procrastination as an excuse, but I actually have a wonderful excuse. Homeschool has been taking up so much time that I haven't really taken any pictures or thought about updating. I get on the net at night time, but generally to just zone out. I read some blogs, zone off and forget to comment, but that is ok. You might see comments on your blogs from like a week past and that is me catching up. Hahahha.

Things are really lovely and happy over here. We celebrated the Equinox tonight. M and I sat outside under the moon, lit two candles and gave thanks. It was a lovely little Mummy/daughter ritual that was made so special. I have been reading to her every night from some beautiful books and we have been spending lots of time at the library.

About two weeks ago my husband and I really questioned if we had made the right decision about homeschooling. I even got so far as to make her doctors appointment for some school injections (she has two to be caught up) and went looking for school uniform clothes. I was all ready to go down to the school in the morning and sign her up, then my husband asked me for one more week. He didn't want to give up and neither did i, but I couldn't bare the thought of M not socializing with friends. She is such a little social butterfly and she adores friends. So I promised husband another week and a real good shot at it. It really paid off. I didn't think I would want M to be into worksheets, but I printed a few off from a few sites and she loves them. I only give her maybe 2 a day, takes her about a half an hour to do them and she is SO proud. She is teaching herself to read, which is really surprising me. I make it a point to not push the reading, but I won't discourage her. And I am such a book nerd that I can't deny that it makes my heart swell to see her take after her father and me with the love of books. Her hand writing is astoundingly good. She loves to draw and to practice tracing words and then rewriting them. We have been going to story time at the library a lot and I might even ask to volunteer at the library closer to our house to do story time. I did find it kind of weird that they said I would need experience with it. Experience with what? I have been reading ever since I was 4, I read to my daughter all the time and no one right now is doing it at the library (the lady who normally does it is out sick). So tomorrow I am going to ask if I can volunteer. I am terribly excited and a bit nervous. Nervous for a silly reason, but it won't stop me.

But all in all, I can't complain. Tomorrow our little family is going to the faculty recital at the college down the street. It's free and I get to see the professor who I will be working with for my flute lessons preform. I haven't played in a few years and I figure taking some lessons with her next semester will ease me back into it no pressure. M has never been to anything like this and since it is free, if she gets a bit to restless leaving wouldn't put us out to much. We are excited!

Warm Wishes!

Dog days of summer......

2010-09-13T11:23:00.002-04:00

photo credit here. What a beautiful picture.

The dog days of summer are here, still. With temperatures soaring into the 90's and lots of humidity, I am approaching that time of year where I just start to wish I was somewhere else. There is no relief in sight for a few more months and with all these posts about Autumn painting the leaves and coolings the Earth's fire I tend to glaze over. It's hard to read about things that I so desperately want to see, to feel and to taste. For some people, Florida is the idea life. A sort of dream. Then there is me, and this is a dream alright. A maddening almost groundhog day like nightmare that is played over and over and over and over. Every year I find myself growing more bitter, more sluggish, more unmotivated and using this oppressive climate as an excuse for my growing despise of life in general.

Homeschooling is going, well not at all. Husband and I talked about putting M into public, because I just feel that she isn't getting anything out of being at home and she is bored and without friends. But then the thought of putting my child in a public school where FCAT tests are the status quo sickens me. What do I do? Keep her home, away from the socialization that she so desperately craves, or send her to school for 7 hours a day, taking tests and being held to a standard that her little heart just isn't meant for? The problem with socialization is that we are down to one car again. The car works, it's just that slowly but surely my old car has been falling apart. ALL the door handles have broken. I finally got it through to my husband that it is unsafe to ride around in a car with my daughter in a car that I can not open the doors quickly. What if we got into an accident and I couldn't get her out? What if something happened and I needed to get to her quickly? We are on a homeschool list and I am going to try and bring up a few play dates at our house. I have a massive back yard with a play set, grapefruit tree and a lovely table and chairs to sit at. The only problem is our near 2 year old boxer gets soo excited when people come over that she jumps and jumps and jumps and jumps. We have been working with her on it, but she does everything else, but leave people alone when they are over. She is such a peach, such a joyful pup, but 60 pounds of boxer/pit mix coming at you tongue hanging out to greet you is a bit much, haha. Any suggestions on how to tame that? We do the ignoring, and it does work, but trying to ignore the dog when she is jumping on you and clawing you is extremely hard. There has got to be another way, I am sure of it.

Sorry for the Debbie Downer post, but sometimes I feel like I have to honestly account for the feelings I am going through. I read such lovely blogs, and while most days it does help to lighten my general discourse at where I am in life, I figure that sometimes there is someone out there like me that wants to read a plain old "I am pissed off at the world" entry. Plus, a good housekeeping of those cobwebby feelings does good for the soul.

But, on a good note. I checked out this book from the library, Eat To Live , in order to get my body into better shape. Lose weight, get healthier ( I need to bring down my bp and my cholesterol). So I am going grocery shopping in a few minutes to get lots of veggies and things to eat. I am pretty excited about this. Very excited actually. Hopefully this is as easy as it looks.

A thought

2010-09-07T00:17:00.002-04:00

I wonder if any of you are interested in doing like a pen pal type of thing? My daughter can write a little bit and she adores receiving mail and sending it. I thought maybe it would be a neat idea to see if anyone would be interested?

email me at tulsileaftraders@gmail.com if you are interested!

Warm Wishes!

The itsy, bitsy spider

2010-09-05T22:26:00.002-04:00

Is not so flippin itsy!!!!!!!!!!! you see that?! All those legs? That spider belly? Ewwwwwwwwwwwww. That was in my bathtub the other day and my husband called for me to come and look. So of course I came with my camera. The spider may not look big, but trust me, it was around 4in in diameter. Yeah, go grab a tape measure to truly freak yourself out. Even though it is huge, it is not dangerous as one would think. Just a normal Wolf Spider. Sure, it wouldn't be nice to be bitten by one, but it isn't lethal. since the summer started we have seen tons of these in our house. At least 12! I think a mother left her babies go in our house somewhere. I hate to kill them, being a knitter and spinner n all. So I try to scoot them outside as much as possible.

This week has been all sorts of jumbled and crazy. Homeschooling is causing me a lot of grief. Trying to find friends for M to play with, it's really wearing on me and I just need to let go and trust that it will all work out. I am not the most organized person and I have terrible time focusing on one project at one time, so this homeschooling thing is going slow. Thank goodness she is only in kindy and already knows all her 1st grade stuff.

But we have been trying to have fun, regardless

I still find it hard to believe sometimes that that sweet face came from me. Sometimes I see myself in her, but mainly her Papa. What I wouldn't do for that perfect caramel skin tone! She saw Frontier Dreams blog post with the rag curls and demanded that her curly hair made to be even curlier. I would have shown you a picture, but she wouldn't wait for the top to dry and it didn't come out well. Oh well, it was fun and we plan on doing it again. Look at her pose!

Last week brought about Lord Krishna's appearance day. M and Papa went to temple to celebrate, so I made a rice pudding for them to take. Mmmmm, it came out delicious. I made a few changes to my stand by recipe found here . I didn't use any dairy as my husband was running out of his lactaid pills. So I just omitted the heavy cream and used soy milk. It came out a bit thicker, but was still SO good. I added shredded coconut, sultana's and sliced almonds instead.

And from the other entry, I forgot to post this picture. I haven't been hooping as much, but when we had our day outside in the rain I took this picture of me hooping.

I love how the camera strap snuck in there and is the only thin in focus. Hahaha.

Well, I hope you all are well.

Warm Wishes,

2010-09-01T01:05:00.002-04:00

How very special are we
For just a moment to be
Part of life’s eternal rhyme
How very special are we
To have on our family tree
Mother Earth and Father Time
He turns the seasons around
And so she changes her gown
But they always look in their prime
They go on dancing their dance
Of every lasting romance
Mother Earth and Father Time
The summer larks return to sing
Oh what a gift they give
Then autumn days grow short and cold
Oh what a joy to live
How very special are we
For just a moment to be
Part of life’s eternal rhyme
How very special are we
To have on our family tree
Mother Earth and Father Time

The creek at the bottom of our street. I wish we could wade in it. But here in Florida you don't know what you'll find in the water.

I have a pretty vivid memory, anything that people find trivial or easy to forget I remember with intense clarity. Smells are such a strong trigger for me and generally when I think back on things the smell will trigger the memory. Well, a few weeks ago Mum, M and myself where in TJ Maxx looking around and as we were checking out I saw a dvd for the new remake of Charlotte's Web sitting in a bin for something silly like 3 bucks. We are not totally tv free, but we are very careful with what we let M watch. There are a few movies that I enjoy watching with her, like Bedknobs and Broomsticks, because it reminds me so much of my own childhood. Well, the movie came with a small beanie baby piglet and well that just sold it for us. I couldn't wait to pop in the dvd when we got home to share this very special story with M. As it loaded it I could remember myself sitting in the school library reading the book. The familiar smell of the old books came flooding back to me. Reluctantly, I do have to admit that I actually liked the remake. Generally speaking I am quite the purist( I mean, how can you possibly remake The Wizard of Oz?! Judy Garland IS Dorothy!!!!) but I was quite surprised that a lot of the dialog was straight from the book. Julia Roberts wasn't to terribly boring and did a good job as Charlotte. So, ever since watching it, M is now obsessed with spiders and anytime we see one you here "Look! It's Charlotte!!" M fell in love with the story and we borrowed the book from the library to read. Well, the other day I got a hold of the cartoon version that I watched as a little girl and watched it with M. I am glad to say that she enjoys the cartoon version best. The music in it is just amazing and I found myself in tears at the end when Charlotte dies. The song she sings as she is passing away is poignant and beautiful. It has burned it's mark into my brain and I find myself humming it all the time. If you haven't read it with your children, it is a fantastic story with a beautiful plot line about friendship. And listen to the music to!

See my skirt? It is soaked. We had 4 straight days of rain so school was taken outside to learn about the water cycle. We took a walk to the creek, sat on the lawn and bathed ourselves in the cool drizzle.

Homeschooling has begun. Can I say I am not sure what the hell I am doing?! Seriously. I am pretty sure I am doing ok, I mean what do you really learn in kindy other than how to play well with others? It is still the land of the dream children and academics aren't really that important right now. M knows her letters, numbers, how to write her name and is teaching herself how to read without me really pushing her. I think she is good. The thing I worry about is her making friends. We have joined a co op and hopefully will be getting together soon. The library has a few things going on for the school kids, reading stories and doing crafts. I am really trying to establish a rhythm. For the girl who can not follow ANYTHING remotely routine-ish, this is a huge hill for me to climb. But I am working on it. Basically what we are working on is outside time, story time, housekeeping and cooking. Oh! And handwork. I really want to start memorizing stories to tell her, but I am unsure of some good Waldorfy stories to tell. I am pretty good at memorizing, so I am not worried about that. You all have any suggestions?

Dancing in the rain. We also went puddle jumping!

Handwork! I must say, for 5 years old, she is doing really well. Better than me!

M is really doing well with being patient with me. Today she had so much fun when our hour of outside time turned into 4 hours of garden work! Mum came over and helped me prune some bushes, set up the lawn furniture and install my CLOTHES LINE!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO excited about having my very own clothes lines. I just need to pick up the pegs. I don't have pictures of my whirly bird, but I will on Wednesday. I really hope this will bring our electric bill down. But, back to M. She got filthy dirty with mud, grass and then we had a water fight with my mother. What a glorious way to cool down on a hot, hot August day. I get a bit jealous reading about all of you talking about your crisp evenings. It's still 80 of a night time here and will be for a while. I am really trying to not let it get me down. This year I will not let the heat depress me or make me angry. That is my mantra for the "winter".

Some lovely shells we picked up at the beach. M loves to practice her addition and subtraction with them!

So, I am going to wrap this up. Sorry for being so absent lately. Things are super busy over here and I am trying to find the balance. Aren't we always though? I have some big plans for the end of the year and we are working on more store stuff. Maybe another give away? Also, I was thinking if any of you would be into it, maybe pen pals? I love to write letters and receive them. Post cards and boxes and all sorts of things. I have a good idea about doing this like care package "ring". All handmade from things around your house. Nothing can be bought. Would any of you be interested?

Warm Wishes!

Limbo

2010-08-27T23:32:00.002-04:00

Sorry I haven't been updating lately. We are switching internet carriers and I forgot to schedule an appointment with the new place before our old service went out. Oops. I have stuff to update with and I am looking forward to catching up with everyone. My laptop is running, but it is kind of on it's last leg, making it hard to properly respond to things. I have been reading and tomorrow after M's bedtime I will play catch up.

We started homeschool this week, so exciting. We had a discussion on rain, it rained for 4 days straight so what better lesson! So that morning we spent outside in the rain with the dog. Collecting rain water, talking about the water cycle and going for a walk. It was a great day.

Husband starts school Oct 8th. He s going to be a jeweler. We are excited and terrified at the same time. His work schedule will change and his pay will go down. I do not know how we are going to work this with Madeleine being homeschooled.

Hopefully my new adventure will bring in some extra money. Along with having our jewelry store(which is in terrible need of an upload. We are going to do another giveaway and sale and add some more things) I am looking into starting my own online knitting store. Selling patterns and yarn and notions and things. We are going to just add it to our jewelry store(we can't do it on etsy unless I dye my own. Which I am looking into). I am looking into learning how to dye yarn with plants and things. Should be fun.

So, I will see you all here tomorrow or Sunday(I might get distracted tomorrow). I hope you all have a great weekend!

Warm Wishes.

Kitchen Witch? Or witchy kitchen?

2010-08-12T22:47:00.002-04:00

This is our little kitchen nature scene. I need to clean it up and bring in some more things from outside, but its sweet and I love seeing it when I am washing dishes(which I should be doing right now).

There are so many things right now that are swirling in this brain of mine, that trying to catch a train of thought is just so hard. I have sat own here the past few nights trying to capture a glimpse of what I want to say, but nothing comes out. My brain always gets like this before a HUGE change. Massive, probably. Can I say I am welcoming some change, whatever it is? I am. I think about this blog, and how I want to portray myself, my family, my thoughts and I realize that sometimes I might censor what I think because of the image I want to produce for the blog world. Kind of crazy, understandably so. Maybe that is good, but I dunno I feel like I should represent the full spectrum of me, my family and our little place we have carved out in the universe. Through that I imagine that it would be easier for me to grow and become the mother, wife, friend I know that I can be. Hmmm, interesting. But bare with me, I promise I am interesting. So, I was thinking about the times in my life that produced massive changes. Certain poignant instances that happen in ones life, that at that moment change their life in considerable amounts.

Mine was the day I decided that I needed to check out of my life in Vegas and run away from everyone I knew. I'm still not sure if I agree with what I did, but it brought me here and to this life. I'll talk more about it when my brain lets me catch whatever it is that I want to say!

Birthdays, Beaches and Burns!

2010-08-10T13:34:00.002-04:00

I think I am done with my little blog escape. This past week has been an exciting one, and there is so much to talk about. That is a bit of a problem as I don't want to choke up this space with a rather long winded, picture filled post. But I will anyways.

Last Wednesday night my mother and I snuck into my daughters room and with the Birthday Fairies decorated M's room for the morning. We put balloons, cards, her presents, crown and her banner all on her table ready to go. I was so excited I couldn't sleep that day. Then around 4am M comes wandering into my room, climbs into bed with me and well there went her waking up to her birthday stuff! I knew I should have decorated my room, ha!

I love her banner. I bought some beautiful 100% wool felt from a buyer on Etsy( I will have to remember the store and post it here), some rainbow ribbon and rainbow thread at Joanns and my own rainbow roving in my stash. The letters were needle felted and the 5 was sewn on in sequins. I was going to do the triangles, but I wouldn't have enough felt or enough ribbon. I think it came out cute! Mind the mess of her shelving unit. She had already gotten into it before I snapped the pic.

She loved the peacock feather on the top. It reminded her of Krishna's crown and that made her a happy little Gopi. Wow, I noticed how grainy these pics where! I took them with no flash in a dimly lit room. Ooops!

M fell in love with this castle when we saw it in the store. It wasn't that expensive and all her little wooden and handmade toys go right with it. She also recieve a wooden train set that we set to the left and now she has a whole kingdom! What a lucky little girl.

We did a simple little family get together later on that night. The cake was AMAZING (coldstone creamery ice cream cake!), company fantastic and it was just a nice night.

The weekend was where it was at! M wanted a swimming party, but after pricing it up it was going to cost over $100. Not something we could afford, so a friend of mine said, "Why not the beach?!". Well why not? So we invited family over and friends over and had a beach party. I have lots of pictures of it, but I feel awkward posting them because there are children that aren't mine and well you know how that goes. But it was amazing, we all had a great time and M enjoyed herself so much.

It had rained right when we got there. but it stopped and the sun came out. A little to much, I should say. Whatever possessed me, a lady of pure Irish heritage, to forget to put sunscreen on? I will never know. A natural redhead, green eyes and freckles, you would think my years of dodging the sun would teach me. It didn't. I haven't been this burnt in I don't know how long. Add a touch of sun stroke and that was me. I should post the picture I took on my phone to text to a friend. It's pretty awful. I felt sick, tired and out of it for two days.

Warm Wishes!

It flies, doesn't it?

2010-08-04T23:38:00.002-04:00

At exactly 11:47pm on August 4th 2005(my due date) I felt that familiar twinge. I had just taken my before bed snack and was waiting for my husband to get home when I stood up and I suddenly felt different. Frantically I looked around for the phone and called my mum. A few days earlier I had been in the hospital in early labor. I knew. I just knew.

At 12:ooam my husband(then boyfriend) got home, tired and cranky from a busy night at work. He at only slept about 4 hours the night before and was up since 6am that day. I apologized profusely and told him that we were in for a long haul anyways so he could sleep at the hospital. My contractions went from nothing to 2min apart and me not being able to talk through them in 45 minutes. We left our dogs and our little house as a carefree couple for the last time. I never realized how lonely I had been my whole entire life.

In 5h and 29 minutes from that first contraction at 11:47pm my life changed and I have been blessed to have traveled around the sun with my daughter, Madeleine Isabella Eugenie 5 whole times.

our first picture

M was born 6:16am on the 5th and this picture was taken the morning of the 6th(around 4am. I was finally allowed to see my child around 1am on the 6th). This is the second time I had held her and the only picture I have of us in the hospital.

Papa seeing his little creation for the first time. She is around 2 hours old here

There are many things that go through my mind when I see these pictures that after 5 years it still brings tears to my eyes. But the main thing I think of is that she arrived, and we both made it through. I used to beat myself up about the choices I made, but with age thank Goddess, I learned that this is the way it was meant to be. There was no other way for me and it's taken 5 years to thank her for teaching me this valuable lesson.

Boo

2010-07-28T11:19:00.003-04:00

I am falling off my computer for a few days, I think. The past week or two I haven't been a very good commenter/poster, so I am gonna just turn off my computer (how will I LIVE?!?). I might post from my phone if I see anything terribly exciting in my daily travels, but I will defiantly be back around August 5th for my daughters birthday. Maybe that will kick my butt into gear!

Warm Wishes!!!

Morse Code anyone?

2010-07-24T01:04:00.002-04:00

I think I should invest in learning how to do some Morse Code. Everyone other type of language I have used to try and fight this beast doesn't work. Nothing.

What is this beast, you ask?

M's bedroom.

I just don't know what to do. Lost, befuddled, perplexed, scared, annoyed, overwhelmed. I am sure I could find a few other words to describe how I feel when I walk into it.

First off, I really don't like the toys she has. When M was born, my husband and I had a certain idea of how we wanted to raise her, and strangely enough it was pretty Waldorf-y without us knowing it. I was familiar with Waldorf from a friend and it just spoke to us. Well, being first time parents and the odd balls out the bunch we were ridiculed, made fun of, pushed over, bullied and whatever else you want to call it when it came to decisions regarding our daughter. How we fed her ( I am the only one in the family who nursed), cloth diapers, no spanking, the fact I wouldn't bite her back when she nipped me(BITE her?!?!), how I decorated her room, how I dressed her, how I bathed her. Well meaning family members had something to say about everything! We wanted few, but nice toys. Well that went out the window. Everytime someone would take her out she would come back with some sort of craptastic plastic "thing". I HATE Dora the Explorer and what do people buy her? Dora. I can deal with Hello Kitty and Tinkerbell oh and Little Bear and Franklin, but the rest can jump in a lake.

So you can see where this is going.

I have been slowly bringing the amount of toys she has down, and guess what?! It's being met with MORE ridicule. Telling me that I am being to harsh for her. That it is normal for a child to have to many toys. But, oh my god, when a toy gets broke "Oh well she isn't respecting her toys". Well gee, when you have 50 toys and everytime you go out someone buys you something else, you kind of think that nothing has value. So I made a rule, no more toys. Nothing. Toys can only be bought on birthdays and Christmas.

Guess who comes home with WEBKINZ the other day? Guess who comes home with cheap plastic sunglasses the other day? Sillybands!!!

My husband and I are very selective with the few character things we will buy M. A few weeks ago my husband took M out to her first movie ( I wasn't a big fan of it, but he really wanted to take her). She saw Toy Story. So, for weeks after that she bugged us for a Toy Story toy. We talked it over at lenght(what a discussion for a toy!) and then decided to buy her a set with the cowboy, cowgirl and the horse. It was 30 bucks and for us, a dear price. So what happens? Not even the next week her grandmother goes out and buys her MORE Toy Story toys. I said no, please don't get it. It ended up at our house anyways with g-ma winking and smiling as it came in. Well, those toys didn't last to long in the house because M left her newest toys grandma gave her out and the dog ate them. $30 dollars worth of toys in the dogs stomach. Had that been my toy, I would have been gutted and probably wracked with guilt. Oh M? She told me "Grandma can just go to the store and buy me more." I actually had to leave the room because the tears were welling up in my eyes.

My child has turned into a consumer! She has no value of things. The doll I made her, on the floor, in the dogs mouth. Soli is dirty and my daughter doesn't care. The soy crayons I bought her and put in her art box? Oh the dog ate the blue one because she left it out. Guess what I was told? "Just buy me more, Mummy". I asked her if she was upset she didn't have her lovely blue crayon. "Not really Mummy. You can just get me more" as she walked off leaving the rest of the crayons on the floor near the dog. She constantly trashes her room(which I know is normal for her age) but when I ask her to clean it up, and I help her, she just throws things around. There are to many toys in her room. TO many. Way to many. It makes me anxious, keeps me up at night and makes me so angry when I look in her room. I hate her room. It's messy, unkempt, and I just don't like it. To many things, not enough room and nothing that I want for her.

Who needs 40 stuffed animals? You see them just shoved in that box on the ground in her closet? That Toy Story picture? Toys R Us gave it to us (after I was asking her NOT to offer it to us) and I have tried 6 times to toss it out and everytime it goes missing M cries her heart out. The wall unit that has all the boxes? I wanted it to be a place that she can just put her toys in and it looks more kept up. Well it just looks trashier and trashier by the day. And the shelving unit was not something I wanted. Another thing my mother forced upon me (my brother bought it for M for her birthday last year and I never wanted it).

I have no clue really why I am posting this. It stresses me out to no end. Actually, right now as I type this my teeth are clenched. I don't know what to do with it. If it were up to me, I would get rid of 80% of her toys and start over. But I can't do that to her, they are hers and it would break her heart to part with her toys. I get called callous because I want to do this. But do they know how it feels to have the present you spent 3 weeks on making cast aside for some cheap plastic crap toy?

What can I do? Any of you have any experience with this? It's making me so angry everytime I go in there. So angry that I even hate tucking her into bed at night because I have to go in there and look at all that stuff!!!!! And I get angry at M, and it's not her fault. Not at all.

But just so this long, drawn out blog post isn't a total downer.

I work in a hair salon and M was pretending to be at my work. i have a colour bowl and a tint brush that I let her play with. Gave her some play dough scissors and she was having a blast. I think the hat makes the outfit! She was actually quite annoyed I wouldn't give her real scissors to cut her doll's hair with!

Thanks for listening. It actually feels a bit better to get that off my chest.

Warm Wishes,

2010-07-19T23:44:00.002-04:00

I have been wanting to get out to the drum circle for a few weeks now. Ever since picking up the hoop I have wanted to get out there. My husband and I used to go there when we first started dating. Every Sunday evening we would get out a blanket, head down to the beach and just listen to the drums and enjoy being there with each other. And since it was in our "wild" days ( and oh so wild, haha) we would most times bring a little bit of green fun with us, or already have visited with the green fun before hand. We were 21, newly in love. I was amazing. I still remember the smell of the salt, his patchouli, my sandalwood. It was a small drum circle at the time. Maybe 30-40 people. Just right.

So we park the car last night, get our hoops out, our blanket and walk down. My eyes grew huge. What in the world?!?!

There was at least 100-150 people there. Maybe more. It was loud, there was cigarette smoke, incense, and I dunno but something felt so off. Nothing calming, meditative or anything like how I remember it being. I mean, don't get me wrong, people were having tons of fun and so was M. But it just wasn't my scene. Also, summer in Florida means rainstorms that just creep up on you and drown you! Although I didn't get a picture, just think of the other side of this picture as a black sky. I hooped for a few minutes and M played in the sand but I so badly wanted to get out of there. So bad. I am asthmatic so smoke really bothers me(I have no clue how I ever smoked! ) and all it was was smoke everywhere. This is the beach! I wish it was outlawed at the beach. Such a beautiful place to go to, to be assaulted with that horrid smell. Also, I really hate to be so negative, but if you know anything about the Florida beach community you know there are three different types of beach dweller. First you have the awesome hippie surfer type person. They are really nice, take care of the beach, totally approachable and just out for a good time. Then you have the rich waterfront owning person. They don't want you on "their beach" nothing is more important than their view they bought with their condo (that is being blocked by the new condos being built right in front of them!) oh and did I tell you? Get off their beach. And then there is the beach drunks. Maybe it is just my town, but my goodness. We have a ripe community with them and I swear they were all at the drum circle. They were sneaking in alcohol in their water bottles, chain smoking. They have infiltrated the drum circle so much (not to mention smoking crack on the beach!) that right next to the drum circle is the beach police. I had to walk around the police car! What a mood killer. We left after 20 minutes because the smoke was making me anxious and the rain was gonna get us at any moment. I felt horrid because M LOVES the beach and she cried when we had to leave. I still feel horrid about it. She understood. I saw some hoopers there hooping and I really wanted to go over there and hoop with them, but I was so self concious about my skills. Which is silly, because everyone starts somewhere and it's not about the tricks you know. But anyways. Don't mean to be Debbie Downer. But the sunset was gorgeous!

What is it about sand and the salt that draws children to it? Husband and I was chatting about that. He seems to think that it's a comforting smell( the salt) that reminds them of being in the womb. Interesting. She brought her hoop was all excited about hooping, then sat down in the sand and never touched it. Not even once.

Look at Papi!!! My husband was being silly and hooping and reading a story to M. She is out of frame, but giggling so bad. "Again, Papi!!!" That is all she kept saying. He did it so much that he was out of breath and sweating when he was done.

Tomorrow we are having M's friend over for the morning and afternoon. Her little friend is such a joy to have over. I love seeing M with her friend. So, while the girls are playing I am going to be doing M's invitation for her beach birthday party! I am painting them with water colours! Very excited about that.

Warm Wishes!

Something wonderful this way comes!

2010-07-14T01:25:00.003-04:00

I posted something earlier, but I deleted it. It was jumbled and I wanted to add to it. Haha

So, in about nearly 3 weeks, M turns 5. We are really excited about it, but I am having some bittersweet feelings about it. My baby is really gone. No more baby, none at all. Before me stands this little girl, a child. She is wonderful and sweet and just a delight, I am so proud of her. So for her birthday we were going to take her away to a wonderfully kitchey Floridian water park (they do mermaid shows and has a water park) but she wanted a party that her friends and cousins could come to. Husband and I don't have much money, what else is new, so we couldn't afford to take all her cousins and friend to the park. After talking it over with my mother, we decided on a pool party at the local pool. But even that was a lot of money. Personally, I just can't justify spending $100 on a birthday part, and still having to spring for the gift. So we thought about it more. I was texting a friend of mine and she came up with the great idea of doing her birthday party at the beach. Perfect idea! So for the beach, since it is free, we are just going to bring some drinks, some sandwiches and cupcakes. My famous coconut cupcakes are being requested by the birthday girl (I will post the recipe later one) and I might top it with some cream cheese frosting.

But I need to figure some things out. Husband and I want to bring some tradition into our birthday celebrations. I am thinking about making a happy birthday banner out of felt. I want something reuse able, because I hate those metallic plastic things. They always rip. I need to find some rainbow coloured felt, any ideas where to get it? I need to make 14 triangles and then the letters for happy birthday. I also want to make a birthday crown.

The thing I would like some suggestions on to is birthday traditions. Husband and I really enjoy the Waldorf way, and we are looking to incorporate that into our lives. I remember reading something about a little birthday verse about times around the sun. Where can I find that? Also, what are other birthday traditions that you do with your children?

And lastly, we are pretty scrimped on cash, so I am going to make her gift. I have some of those wooden peg people, so I am thinking about making a little play set.

Hopefully tomorrow I can get my act together, take some pictures of my WIP ( I am doing a shawl out of Malabrigo chunky!). I have been sick this past weekened and my cycle decided to show up to. So my weekend was great!

Warm Wishes!

2010-07-09T22:55:00.002-04:00

My new cake plate. I love it. Notice that the cupcakes didn't last one it?(I took the sticker off after I took the picture)

I have been hooping every night this week. I am tired, cranky and eh. Just one of those weeks. Mind is a million miles away. But at least I know now that it lasts a few days and I am back to normal. So I just ride it out.

Maybe I will be back in a day or two with something happier.

Warm Wishes!

WIP Wednesday

2010-07-07T17:00:00.002-04:00

Knitting.

I have been knitting. Over the last week I have been knitting a lot actually. A few months ago I got some lovely mermaid green Dream in Colour fingering weight yarn. I thought I could knit a shawl out of it, but I wanted a garment. There wasn't enough yarn in the 1 skein to do anything for me, so I thought what about M? Sounded like a good idea. So I pulled up ravelry and looked around. Everything in the children's section was not what I wanted, but what about sizing something down from adults? M's chest measurement is 22, so I looked around and found something that I took from worsted and brought it to fingering.

M's Global Warming

Yarn: Dream in Classy Smooshy blue- green

Needles: US3

Ravelry Link

Essentially I just did what the pattern said, but went down in yarn and needle sizes. This came out big, which I was hoping, so it won't fit M until later in the year. It's machine washable, which I am happy about, and pretty soft. M loves the colour and wants socks out of it. Well, I don't think I have enough yarn to squeeze out a pair of socks!

That reminds me, she wants socks to. I better get on that.

Ohhh! In the pattern there is a little hoodie pocket on the front. Yes? No?! Two small pockets on the front? What do you suggest?

Warm Wishes!

2010-07-06T15:26:00.001-04:00

I am such a dodo.

I was approving my comments on here and it rejected both comments that were posted. I can't retrieve them either! I don't remember who left them, so if you posted something can you repost it?

Thanks!

it was on the post about my lamps.

Oh My!

2010-07-05T23:09:00.002-04:00

Sorry for the cell phone pic. I picked up these lamps at Home Goods for 20 a piece. My mother started looking at them and was like "Krissy, do you think they would look good...."

"No Mum, you give those to me right now. They would look horrid in your room"

And I snatched them from her. They are so ugly that they are perfect. I love that whole retro kinda stuff. Now the horrid quest.

Finding material to go with it to make pillows. I know this sounds weird, but I found this purple and khaki zebra print upholstery fabric and I am going to cover a couch with it. And then I found it in this awesome like citrony green zebra print. I only bought a yard for it, because I had to have it. But why the purple? I have no clue. I might not even do my couch out of it. I don't know. It's awesome stuff. Maybe the seat covers on my dining chairs? I dunno.

Suggestions?

Cause I got to!

2010-07-02T21:37:00.002-04:00

I love that saying. M says it all the time and it is followed up by the most fabulous witches cackle.

So, I have been hula hooping regularly and while I am not even remotely graceful with it, I am getting better. The hoop I bought last year is a bit to big for me and I wanted something new, so I contacted Abby at HoolaMonsters and she made me 2 new hoops. I know that I can make them for MUCH cheaper, but I dont have the tape to use and well, I was just to lazy. And Abby makes some fantastic hoops. So why not give her the business?

Well, today Abby stopped by them by work and I was so excited. I ordered a hoop slightly smaller than my first hoop and then I ordered a much smaller one for M!!! We ordered rainbow coloured ones and I was so excited to get them home and try them out. Hooping has been such a saving grace for me. I struggle with my weight ( I am VERY overweight. To the point my health is being effected, not just vanity) and going to the gym is not for me. So I have been looking for something that I can do that I will stick with. Hooping is that. Well, I brought the hoop home and I couldn't even get in the door way before little hands were over the smaller one and a big "For ME?!?!" escaped her little lips. I couldn't even say yes before it was around her waist and those little hips were shaking.

Look at her go!!! Within the hour she started keeping it up at her waist, even went to her neck! Thats my girl. Fearless and determined. So much giggling, so much joy. So much! We were outside for about 40 minutes and I had to drag her inside. Then once we got inside she was whacking into tables and couches and legs and the dog. Throwing the thing all over the place.

This is the best thing ever. I am so glad I got into this. Great work out ( I was hooping for an hour the past two nights!), get meditation and what a way to bond with my daughter.

Warm Wishes.

p.s. As a straight haired girl, it still gives me a kick to see M's hair get curlier and curlier the hotter it gets.

who turned the oven on?

2010-07-01T00:12:00.003-04:00

I swear, I feel like I am living in and oven when I go outside. We have been running from AC to AC. It's stuffy, sticky and icky outside. The one good thing about this time of year is the rain we get. I love our rainy season. It comes by and cools everything off, but I hate the afternoon steam it brings with it. So we do try to stay inside a bit more right now, although the other day we just had to get outside. Mum brought us over some little planters in lovely little ceramic planters. Sweet peas and daisies. I love those. A basil plant to. The basil isn't organic, but oh well. Beggars can't be choosers I guess. So we planted them all

Look at the body in that head of hair she has! I am so jealous. I have stick straight, limp hair and she has this mass of soft, bouncy, curly hair. She will probably hate it in about 10 years, but her hair blow dries out beautifully. Colour me green!

And while we were planting and chatting, M decided that we needed flowers for inside our house. So she is picking flowers and I go to get a vase for them. i come back to this

Well, I guess that's about as good a place to put them then anywhere else! Doesn't Stingy look so pretty? She's a good sport, waited a few minutes for the picture before she tried eating them.

We had a friend over the other day. The girls went to school together this past year and I always meant to ask her mum if she could come over. End of the school year comes and we were talking at the breakfast and come to find out, she lives down the street from me. I felt like the biggest dolt ever. But I was so excited to figure out that they live so close. Well, our excitement was short lived, they are moving this week!! Good thing that her grandmother lives on my street and their best friends are my next door neighbors. So this past week the girls have been playing a lot, swimming and just hanging out. It's amazing to see the different side of M when she has a friend over. M is the goofiest person around. When you think of that person who will do ANYTHING for a laugh, like crawling on the ground, dancing like a freak. Well that is M. We coloured and played hopscotch, played tickle wars and then ate some lunch. M loves her little friend so much and I do have to say, she is one of the most enjoyable little ones to come over and hang out with. So polite and well mannered. I really like this little friend we have made, and her parents are rather nice themselves.

I would post pictures of my bruises, but it's to dark right now. I have started hula hooping again and I am doing rather well. My thighs are bruised and my hands are, but it's a good hurt. I enjoy it, it gives me some exercise and it relaxes me. Totally relaxes me. I put on some music with a good beat and I just hoop. Maxwell sets a good mood, so does some Depeche Mode.

2010-06-26T09:48:00.002-04:00

Main Entry: in·er·tia

Pronunciation: \i-ˈnər-shə, -shē-ə\

Function: noun

Etymology: New Latin, from Latin, lack of skill, from inert-, iners

Date: 1713

1 a : a property of matter by which it remains at rest or in uniform motion in the same straight line unless acted upon by some external force
Life, right now, is not going to bad. Swimmingly.

I have been cooking

home made black bean burgers!

I love veggie burgers, not so much the boca burgers. When I became a vegetarian, the fake meat substitutes freaked me about a bit. I am not a big fan of fake chicken fingers and fake steaks (although I do like fresh made seitan), so the veggie burger wets my appetite more. I was reading Farmama , saw her lovely little veggies burgers and got inspired to make my own. I took black beans, corn, spinach and mixed that all up. Added a bit of vital wheat gluten, some sofrito, salt and a bit of water. Mixed it all up let it rest for a bit, then made patties and cooked them. I sauteed them until crisp in a skillet, then I finished them off in the oven. I don't like to fry to much, hurts my stomach, but I do like some crisp to them. They came out delicious when topped with some melted dill havarti cheese. Husband and the kid were licking their chops afterward.

Also, such a bad picture (it was at night when I took this) but I hardly ever buy tortillas anymore. For Christmas my husband got me a tortilla press and I make fresh corn tortillas. So easy to make. Mix some masa, some water and salt. Press flat and cook in a dry pan. You will never ever want flour tortillas ever again. They make my yucca tacos taste divine. I will have to post my reciepe for yucca tortillas (a variation from veganomicons yucca quesadillas) because you will gorge yourself on them!

So to tie this into the whole inertia thing. Cooking has me going in a straight path. Like we are in the river right now, on our little boat and everything is just floating on down. Cooking sets me straight when everything gets a bit hectic. So right now we are in uniform motion, but we are about to add some external force.

We are moving when our lease is up in our house. Part of me is very mournful of leaving our beautiful house. It took my husband and I many years to get back into a house, we lived in apartments since moving in together. I look at our house (even though it's rented) as a huge big accomplishment. We have enough room to breathe in here, enough room for Stingy and enough room for our daughter. The idea of possibly downsizing to an apartment again, it hurts my heart. I feel almost like we are going backwards, but I do have to remember that it is for a good reason. That we are still young and we can always get another house. That this one little sacrifice is going to pay off big time. Because we are moving across the country. We are taking our little family from the beaches of Florida to the west coast. We have thrown a few places around, but each time we have talked about moving (for the past 3 years ) we have continued to come back to the same place. Oregon. I have a really dear friend from high school who lives there and he has been telling me for the past year how wonderful it is. So we have decided to take the plunge and move to Portland( funny enough, I was born in Portland. Portland, ME that is). I grew up on the west coast ( in Vegas) and the East coast isn't home. I don't know how to explain it, but I feel the west calling me. I miss the wind, the mountains the air over there. I miss the people. I don't think any one place is better or has better people, I just feel that you are either a west coaster, or an east coaster. I am defiantly the west.

So we are starting to downsize, starting to save. We will be selling off a lot of our things, and I think my mother might go with us. I am happy about that. I might complain about Mum sometimes, but I adore her. M adores her Nanny and I think that taking her away from my in laws will be hard enough for her, but to take her away from her Nanny, I don't think my child would ever forgive me. I don't think my mother would ever forgive me. And I don't want to not live around my Mum. She is a wonderful woman, sometimes she forgets who the mother is to M, but I started to realize she only does it out of habit(well, she is MY mother after all) and out of just sheer love for M.

Thanks goodness my husband can transfer his job there. I will have to probably find something part time there though, which I am not looking forward to (as we will be homeschooling unless we can find a waldorf charter school), but I will make due.

Warm Wishes.

21 June 2010

2010-06-21T22:09:00.003-04:00

"You spotted snakes with double tongue,
Thorny hedgehogs, be not seen;
Newts and blind-worms, do no wrong,
... Come not near our fairy queen."

Happy Solstice, all! Today started very, very early for Madeleine and I. My husband leaves for work at 4:45am and for some reason she woke me up, bright eyed and bushy tailed, before his alarm went off at 3:45am!! Needless to say, I am tired. Dizzy and swollen eyed tired, but the good thing is that we were awake and ready to greet the sun! So today was not as productive as I wanted, although I did clean out our bedroom closet(I am embarrassed at it's condition). When Papa came home, I was relieved that he could take over entertaining M. And did he!!!

Papa loves to draw and his love has rubbed off on M. We got her some new soy crayons and they work almost like pastels. They smudge really well. I do have to say, she is a good artist.

I was a bit upset that I didn't do much for the Solstice. Normally I try to do something, but I was so tired, so worn out that I just wanted to collapse on the couch. M lasted until about 5pm and crashed. I should have woken her(as she is right now trying to figure out if asking for more water will let her stay up longer) but I feel asleep for about 30 minutes myself. Mum came over to bring some goodies (new swim suit for me! Dress for M!) and as she was leaving she called us outside to witness something magical

We had snoozed to a beautiful thunderstorm. I have been in a funk all week long, thoughts running through my mind, chasing me in dreams. When Madeleine and I walked outside in our bare feet, the rain still sprinkling down on us, the air cool and the sky that beautiful steel blue colour, she threw up her arms and proclaimed "Look Mummy, it's magic!"

I explained how rainbows are made and ten as I was looking at it, I noticed something amazing. Off to the left there was another arch, much lighter but still there.

Magic Indeed!

Our household has been in need of some fairy magic and I thank the Summer Queen and the Green Man for bringing some magic into our world.

Warm Wishes!

A favor

2010-06-18T23:43:00.002-04:00

Hey ladies ( and gents if you are out there.) I need a rather big favor from you.

Due to some stomach issues and health issues, I need to do a rather strict elimination diet. I have a feeling that gluten is bothering my system big time. Husband and I are strict vegetarian, and I like to think that we eat well, but I have a rather insane sweet tooth and I like my wheat. And because this is health related, I don't feel so squigged out talking about delicate bodily issues. For the past month or so I have been either really bound up or not. It's not "normal" down there. I suffer rather easily from yeast infections. If I have a bit of chocolate, the next down I feel it down there. So I am also thinking I might have just to much sugar in my system. So onto my favor.

Any of you ladies do an elimination diet? What is it like? I have no will power, but I am forcing myself to do this. Also, I think it would help kick start some weight loss. Do you have recipes? I can make anything really,and I enjoy cooking. I am not opposed to raw foods, but I would like to keep dairy down and I can not have tomatoes or agave because of allergies. I really don't want to die from agave nectar, ha. Do you have any good GF blogs that you read? Also, we don't do eggs in this house. So here is what we can't have

eggs
tomatoes
agave nectar
limited soy

Thank you so much and hopefully this weekend I will have a good update. We are heading downtown tomorrow to do a sidewalk chalk competition. It is free to children and adults and the winner of the children gets a wonderful prize of a free week of art lessons at this wonderful art studio

Warm Wishes

And the winner is.................

2010-06-16T17:13:00.002-04:00

I would like to thank you ladies for your participation in our first giveaway. It was wonderful to have you all excited about our little store.

So, today M and I wrote down all the names ( and I do have to say it was a good little pile for our first giveaway!) and she helped me pick them out of a hat.

12 names went into her hat!

Close those eyes and don't you peek!!!

And the winner is...........

Sarah!!!

Sarah, please email me at tulsileaftraders@gmail.com with your mailing address and I will get these out to you within the next 48 business hours. Our printer is down so we have to hoof it to the post office.

Thanks for playing everyone. And look for more giveaways in the future!

Warm Wishes.

Last day!

2010-06-15T09:55:00.001-04:00

Today is your last day to enter into our give away!

To everything.....

2010-06-13T20:45:00.002-04:00

I really, really love this song. It means so much, and the older that I get I understand it more and more. This past week has been such a busy week. M completed her year of pre-k. I don't know how I feel about it, it feels strange. Since we are homeschooling her for kindergarten it is sort of strange to explain to people and classmates that she isn't "going to school" in the fall. We are very sound in our decision for homeschooling her, but I can not lie and say I am not nervous about it. I think one of my main anxieties about it is her making friends. When you talk about homeschooling people automatically jump down your throat about socialization. My daughter is very well socialized, has been since birth and one really good point I make is that at 18 months old they didn't think she was any less socialized than she is now. But M needs friends, she is a very social butterfly. I have tried looking into homeschooling groups in my area and while we do have a rather active one, it is in the town over and to far to get together all the time. It's about 30-45 minutes away and well I am not one for driving. I am getting MUCH better, but driving clear across town, I would never do it. So we are thinking about putting a little paper up in our local health food stores and yoga classes and any type of places that like minded people frequent. We are excited.

But that being said, her last day of pre-k was sweet. I adored her school and her teachers. We might not have seen 100% eye to eye on school things, but they have the kids best interest at heart and they are soft and kind. Hearts of gold those women have. Can't be helped that the school district wants them to be like 1st graders. So the day started off with my having breakfast with her and her little friends before school.

When did I grow a kid?! Where is my baby? She is somewhere in there, right? She had to wear that skirt on her last day. She wanted to wear it by itself, but it was WAY to short so I put some leggings under it. Her hair is getting so long to! We used to keep it in a chin bob because the top was so baby fine and it worked better with her curls, but now she wants to grow it and it's almost to her shoulders! My beautiful, smart, big girl. I am so proud of her. We had a conference with her teachers (more like an open house where they talked to all the parents individually) and they had nothing but wonderful things to say about M. Her handwriting is on par with a 1st grader. She has her whiny moments(like all 4 year olds. And she is the youngest in her class) but her teacher said that she is by far the sweetest one. She includes all the children in play, never bosses them around and always shares. It makes a parent feel good to hear that. I guess my husband and I are doing something right?!

So, as a treat for completing school and doing so well I came through with my promise of doing her hair. I work in a hair salon, so my hair has been every colour of the rainbow (I'm serious! I will post the pictures of last years purple/pink do!) and every length. It currently is about 4-5 inches long in front and like 2 inches all around. Dark brown with purple bangs. When M was around 2 I tipped the very ends of her hair in pink. It washed out in about 3 weeks and I didn't bleach it or anything. It was direct dye colour so no harm done. Well, this time she didn't want pink. She wanted orange! So last night I did a few bits. I do have to say, it looks really good. I'm quite jealous!

You can see some of the curls(and that is from it being brushed, slept on and blow dried the night before. So it's much straighter than normal). Her hair is more wavy and falls into ringlets as it gets longer. My husband is full Puerto Rican with amazing ringlets! So she has my fine silky texture and my husbands body. Her hair is going to be gorgeous when she gets older!

Today was a bit of a lazy day. We did nothing, not even clean the house. Which I am not proud to say. But M and I did a lot of cuddling on the couch and we decided to do some drawing outside on the grass! The weather was lovely.

Her coloured pencils are those amazing Lyra Waldorf coloured pencils. I got them from the promotion that Franklin Goose did a few months ago. I adore these pencils and so does M. Great for little hands, the colour is vibrant and smooth.

Mummy even did some drawing. This is about as good as it got, it went all down hill from there, but it was so much fun!

And M even snapped a pic of me. Which never happens! So mind the mess of my hair (pulled my fringe back), the pj top and the lovely up the nose angle. Not very good for slimming the face! But she did capture a sweet moment between us.

Warm Wishes!

p.s. Ohhh! Don't forgot to comment and keep trying for our giveaway!!!!! Also, join our facebook page!

Giveaway!

2010-06-09T10:44:00.003-04:00

My husband Andres and I are very excited to welcome the addition of Tulsi Leaf Traders into our lives. It started out as us just learning to make necklaces for ourselves and for our daughter. But as people kept commenting on where can they get one of those neat little necklaces we made, my husband decided to take a hobby and make it something more. Over the past year we have seen a little hobby turn into a great passion. So much of a passion that my husband is looking into becoming a jeweler.

Since we opened our shop, the response has been lovely. We even made our first sale! After talking it over with my husband we decided that a nice way to say thank you for all the kind comments (and well maybe drum up some business) is to do a giveaway.

Aren't they pretty?! These are a pair of citrine dangle earrings on sterling silver ear wires(these were photographed on surgical steel ear wires, but i switched them out aftewards). Out of all the earrings I have made recently, these are the ones that I made a pair for myself. They go with everything. The thing I like about these little gemstone chips is that you can never make a perfect pair of earrings. The chips are all different sizes, shapes and colours, so they will never be perfectly symmetrical. That appeals to me and makes every pair unique.

So here is how it works. The giveaway will end on June 15th, my 30th birthday. You can enter once a day by commenting on my blog. If you comment on other posts, just type giveaway at the end of your comment. Now, here comes the fun part. I will give you another entry if you post a link pointing towards this giveaway on your blog or facebook. Please just post here and link back to it so I can verify! And wait, there is more. If you join our facebook page you get ANOTHER entry.

Once the give away is done, I will put all your names in a hat and pick from that. The winner will need to email me at tulsileaftraders@gmail.com and provide their address. We will send the prize to anywhere in the world. I know that there are some out of country readers and well, I can't leave you all out!

Warm Wishes!

Bored?!

2010-06-08T09:14:00.002-04:00

I have a confession to make. It's so horrible that it might just send you all screaming for the hilltops. Well, maybe not, but in my mind it is!

Well, aside from the wonderful playdoh (I really hate that stuff) this is one bored child. My confession is that I am not providing her with enough things to do during the day. I find that most of my day is spent telling her "M, please go play with something. M please go in your room and find a toy". Give me an 18 month old baby, and I know what to do. A fussy 2 month old? I'm good. Babies I can deal with all day and all night, but a preschooler? I am utterly lost. When she was littler a pot, a pan, a pile of clothes, she was good. I never really subscribed to those age ranges on the side of the toy box as to what was good for her. Now? All the kids her age are playing with video games, Barbie (which will not be coming into my house), everything with a character on it. We also have another problem, it is SO hot here that really going outside for more than 20 minutes leaves Mama sick. I am so fair skinned that I am prone to heat exhaustion very easily. Also, I have another confession, I have severe driving anxiety. So it limits us in what we do outside of the house.

The reason I am so worried about this? Well, pre-k ends Friday and we are homeschooling our daughter for her kindy year. I am signing her up for kindy, but I wanted to use the summer as a "trial run" for homeschooling. Looking through my blogroll I see all these these beautiful pictures of children playing and I feel so lost as to what to provide my kid to do. Maybe it is just a laziness that this Mama suffers from. I dunno. I find that M, since being an only child right now, doesn't want to do anything unless I am right there. And when we are home, she is bored to tears. She doesn't have any friends that come over, no children in the neighborhood. We don't have any friends with kids, in fact we don't have any friends. Well, other than my husbands friends from temple, who live so far away and don't have children.

So, fellow Mama's, what can I do for my kid? What easy, cheap crafts can we do? What games outside in our huge big bug filled back yard? I really want to do gardening, but we have a digging, naughty dog who wants to eat everything outside and then dig to China ( also, got a remedy for the dog diggin? We have tried burying her poop and she just tosses it to the side and keeps digging. We were thinking about getting another dog to have as a friend for her). We thought about doing our vegetable gardening outside in the front, but for some reason having my edibles in the font yard, that is not fenced, freaks me out. There is a beautiful little creek right up the street from us (seriously 4 houses up the street) but this is Florida and there is no telling what is in the creek. Should I be worried?

Also, look for a giveaway to start tonight. Invite your friends! We have opened our store, added more things and need to drum up some business! I just need to take some pictures and figure out what is going in the box.

Warm Wishes!

A fly by

2010-06-05T09:39:00.003-04:00

Oh man, I am SO tired lately. I woke up this morning, sore, tired and aching to go back to bed. I was like that yesterday. What am I doing in my sleep? Swimming?

Well I just wanted to do a fly by posting and share something with you that made my husband and I really smile. We had our first purchase from our etsy store last week. Well, the buyer was the sweetest thing and blogged about us!!!
Discovering the Details: amber Earrings

How sweet is that?!? We put in a small cute box to hold the earrings because she is our first customer, but now I need to figure out how to package the rest of our things so they look just as nice!

Happy Weekend! Hopefully I will be back on Monday with pictures and fun stuff to talk about !

Warm Wishes

Houseguests

2010-06-03T11:34:00.002-04:00

So, we host a lot of my husbands temple programs at our house, maybe about 2 a month. They are wonderful and it's fun to have his friends over and eat a big feast. We have another one today, but I have to work all day today from noon-6. My husband knows this and always schedules his programs for 6pm. So I basically walk into my house from a day at work to a houseful (albeit smiling joyful faces)of people. Also, my husband spends the WHOLE entire day obsessing over how clean our house is, do we have enough food (so much so that he ruined nearly a 5lb bag of rice last time)is everything right......... You get the idea. I get frantic phone calls, short tempers.
I told my husband this is why women are the mothers. We just expect the chaos and some of us thrive on it! :)

Talking about this last night I decided to do my husband a favor, a big one. I go to work at noon (in twenty minutes, why am I on the computer and not in the shower? Thank goodness I live 3 blocks from work and my hair is 2 inches long ha), so I spent this whole morning cooking the food for the dinner tonight. I convinced my husband to nix the Indian food because I am tired of Indian food. We are making Mexican!!!! I boiled some frozen yucca and mashed it. Then sauteed jalapeno and red pepper. Some salt, some pepper and that is it. we are eating that with corn tortillas. A salad with bean and corn salsa, queso fresco and cilantro cream. Oh and instead of Indian rice pudding, I am making Indian quinoa pudding! So good.

But now I am tired and I have a full day at work.I nee to update with some pictures and something better than a fly by

Hope you all are having a good week

Warm Wishes!

Watch the weather change

2010-06-01T11:12:00.003-04:00

Still *under the weather* so I figured I would post about some weather.

Welcome hurricane season! June 1st is the start of the hurricane season and all us in the south turn our eyes to the east and await. I rather enjoy this time of the year. Not the devastation, but I find the rain and storms very cleansing. A good rainstorm always lifts my spirits.

But here are some scenes from a recent road trip to Orlando.

boo

2010-05-30T11:26:00.002-04:00

Husband, M and I went on a road trip yesterday. We did not make it to Pioneer Village, and I am pretty miffed about that. I had about 3 hours sleep (1.5 before getting up for the day at 3am and then a combined 1.5 in the car) and today I woke up with a cold.

I'll catch up on Monday with pictures and some words. I'm working on a post but my throat hurts and head is swimming. So I will just leave it for a few days.

Hope all is well with everyone.

Warm Wishes

All over the place!

2010-05-28T08:43:00.002-04:00

This post is going to be all over the place. I started writing it last night, left it up on the computer and then husband came in and closed the browser! An hour's worth of blogging, gone! Oh well. So, this is just going to be off the top of my head and pretty random, I hope you can keep up!

Wednesday, my husband and daughter went to just outside of Orlando to meet up with friends of his temple. It was a very special day for him because he was granted his second initiation. Unfortunately I was not able to accompany them, as we had no way of making sure Stingy was taken care of. To say I am sad that I missed this, well that would be the understatement of the year. The house was extremely lonely and a day that should have been spent with me doing lots of things I have needed the quiet time to do was spent with me just staring at the wall bored to tears. I missed my family! But I am very happy to know that they both had a wonderful time. My husband was granted his initiation and given his thread. My daughter was also given some neckbeads, her very own child sized japa and my husbands Guru even gave her a very special name. I would share the name here, but she is very protective of it and still learning what it means. Plus, she isn't officially initiated (I am pretty sure this is more on my part because of my own personal belief that she is WAY to young to accept something so heavy). M had a wonderful time seeing all the devotees and playing with the young kids. I did feel for my husband as they had to fast (not my daughter) from dusk to dusk in honor of Lord Nrisimhadeva's appearance day. I even got my daughter to take some pictures!

Husband's Guru is in the saffron clothing. Still traveling the globe at 90!

M took this! Radha/Krishna dieties and Lord Nrisimhadeva

M on the left with a little boy in a dhoti. How sweet is that dhoti?

M's festival dress fits her rather strangely right now. It's made in India and it has ties around the waist instead of elastic, so for little ones with pot bellies, it doesn't fit so well. I am going to see if I am fix this for her, because she looks so insanely sweet in it. But we found this longer dress for her at Old Navy and she loves it. She wants more of them!

Tomorrow my husbands Guru leaves for Badger, CA and then back to India to write and relax. Tomorrow we are going to see him off to the airport, as my husband is very concerned that this will be the last time he sees him, so spending as much time with him and receiving as much mercy and instruction is very important to him. I am very glad to be able to go with him tomorrow. It will only be a short visit to see him, a small class on the floor in the airport, but it's not where you hear, it's how you hear. So I am very excited. I struggle understanding many things about my husbands spiritual path(I am not a devotee and living in an interfaith household is VERY hard sometimes. Try having a discussion on someone's most intimate feelings without upsetting them! Extremely hard) so to maybe ask some questions myself might make things easier. I am thinking of a blog post regarding interfaith families, but I need time to think about it and make sure I give the proper attention it deserves. It can be soo hard, and a real strain on a good relationship, but it also can be so wonderfully teaching.

Moving on!

A few months ago I placed an order with FranklinGoose for some toys for M. I got in on a promotion they were doing and reviewed a ton of products I had used and received a rather amazingly large store credit (over a $100. To us this was AMAZING). I can not say that I was not impatient to receive such items, haha. But I soon enough got an email in my inbox saying my order was shipping and the other day it arrived! I do have a few more pictures of what we got, but my flickr needs to be upgraded and that will have to wait.

But here is M with her new farm set from Imagiplay. I do have to say the toys are sweet. Non toxic wooden toys are always good, but I do have one complaint. They are not sanded at all. For the amount of money that one would spend (and the only reason I got these is because they were free) I would expect them to not give off splinters! I hope that my batch was just a freak thing though. I took some fine fine sandpaper and took off the rough edges and they are fine now. The toys are heavy and really look nice, so I can over look that one point. I didn't get them all in this picture but we got

Wooden farm set. Includes a little barn, chicken coop and pig pen. Animals are pig family, cow family and chicken family. So cute!
Under the Sea wooden animals. It looks like a wooden puzzle and the pieces are the actual animals to play with. Lovely
Wooden box of Spinning tops! You open up the box and there are about 7 different spaced wooden tops. You spin them on the top of the box
Lyra Waldorf coloured pencils. These I would never think to buy as the price is quite dear for colour pencils for a child ($25.00!) but the quality is amazing. They are the unbreakable ones and the colours are gorgeous. I would really suggest these for a child over 4 who loves to draw and will be careful.

Imagiplay Majestic Oak puzzle. This is a stand up puzzle that you put together and it makes a tree. Gorgeous and looks fabulous on M's shelf next to her deities.

That is it for right now. Ohhhh Nicole, I totally thought about you and your "prairie girls" when my husband and I decided to stop by here after the airport tomorrow. We haven't told M about it, but she is going to flip out. We are onto the third Laura Ingalls Wilder book, On the Banks of Plum creek, and this is all she can talk about.

Warm Wishes!

p.s. Ohhh we made our first Etsy sale last night! I am so excited.

Tis the season

2010-05-24T11:55:00.002-04:00

Living in Florida does have it advantages. I'm still working on a good list, because I still hate it, but I am being more optimistic. But keeping with the optimism, one thing I do like about Florida is there is no shortage of greenery, and bugs. I am not a great lover of bugs, but some of them do hold a special place in my heart. Ladybugs and Dragonflies. Right now, we are having some sort of baby boom with these. The other day I walked out of my house to see at least 20 Dragonflies around my front door step and porch. Everywhere you look on leaves and plants there are beautiful spotted ladybugs. I have never seen this before, Ariella is this happened down south where you are? It's really amazing.

He stayed so beautifully still so I could take a few pictures of him!

Sorry about the darkness of the pictures, I had to use my zoom. He was sitting on the cable line to runs from the pole to my house, about 7 feet above me. I was worried that he would hurt himself on the cable ( I have seen a few squirrels fry themselves on that cable. ) but he was gentle and graceful. Maybe today I can get some better pictures of the bugs around our house!

Also, another thing that summer brings? Rain! I can not tell you how much I love an afternoon rain storm. A bit of an embarrassing information about me. I am terrified of lightening. Terrified! Twice when I was a teen I was nearly struck by lightening when I grew up in Las Vegas. Once was when I was running across the street to a friends house and it struck about 5 feet from me, between me and a car. My hair (which was to my waist) stood on end and I was knocked to the ground nearly. And the second time was when I was with a group of my friends out on the soccer field practicing for a meet and the lightening struck the metal goal post about 100 yards from us. You could feel it travel all through the ground, it made all our hair stand on end and you never saw a group of 25 girls ran so fast inside. The boys in the class called it a stampede! So yesterday, after my husband left for Temple (and M was with my mother) you can imagine my anxiety when I heard the storm roll in. I am getting better about not letting it frighten me so much, but I live in Florida! Lightening capitol of the world! But I had Stingy with me and I rationally know I am safe. The storm was beautiful though. The sky got dark, but everything was really bright, which I love. The green on the plants looked electric!

pitter patter!

Look at all that green coming back! If you remember from news reports, we received a rather frigid winter this year. When the last cold front came through it destroyed most everything everyone had. See all that brown in the palm? We cut a bunch out of it already, need to do some more. See the tree across the street? It's dead. The people to the left of this shot had a massive tree by the white van, it died and they had it cut down. The space looks so bare without it. It's very upsetting to see all the bare spaces where beautiful bushes and trees and fruit trees used to be! Thank goodness our grapefruit tree made it. Although our staghorn fern is looking like it won't make it. I know it's naughty of me to think, but I kind of wish it would go, because it is right in the middle of the grapefruit tree and doesn't let us climb it! It's the perfect tree to learn how to climb!

Hope all is well with you all!
Warm Wishes!

WIP Wednesday!

2010-05-19T16:00:00.002-04:00

I am really trying to get into a blog rhythm. I think WIP Wednesday is a good place to start, since I have lots of WIP's.

Lately, I have been slacking with knitting. Sometimes when I get into funks I put the needles down because my mind just can not do anything. The past few weeks have been like that. No needles in my hands, and it greatly upsets me. Without yarn or needles in my hands I kind of feel lost. So I made it a mission of mine to find this one bag with a started project in it. Somehow I lost it, found it, then lost it again. Crazy. Into my closet I went and I found it!!

I wonder if any of you knitting ladies can identify that yarn just from looking at it. Because yes it is what you think.

MMMmmmmmalabrigo!! Sometime last year I got a bunch of laceweight Malabrigo and started the Featherweight Cardigan (Ravelry link) but I put it down for some reason. Well I found it and picked it back up. I am carrying a lot of extra weight right now, but I am going to knit the size I was last year. Even if I lose more weight, it will still fit. But knitting a laceweight cardi on size 6 needles is tedious, but a labor of love. I mean, it's Malabrigo!!! And the colour is amazing, geranium.

Another thing pertaining to WIP's is our house. Since moving in last April, we haven't really put our stamp on our house. No curtains up, because we have these horrid vertical blinds, nothing really on the walls, still trying to figure out where furniture goes. I love our house, but it doesn't feel warm and lived in. So today, I did the table a little bit. It's not much, but it makes it look warmer and brings some earth inside.

I don't own a table cloth, which I need to remedy, so I used a wrap I never wear. It sounds funny, but it really looks good. Kinda hippie, so totally me. Then I thought I needed something in the middle. I had a large silver dish, but it always ends up collecting junk(as does the table in general, and we are trying to fix this). So I laid out a hot pot cozy(the black circle), put a candle on it and surrounded it by some stones and crystals. I need to get a better candle, but for now the tea light will work. I think it's pretty sweet. It's a start, a work in progress.

And one last thing I would like to leave you all with. Food! In my quest to lose weight, I am trying to find sweets that aren't as nasty as say, M&M's. Well M&M's aren't really nasty, just so bad for you. I have a terrible, terrible sweet tooth and I need something to start weaning myself off of sugary treats and we just need more whole foods. We eat rather well anyways, but always room for improvement. So I remembered this recipe I used to do from when I worked at the health food store(where I met my husband).

Kristen's Banana Jumbles

4-5 very ripe bananas
1c chopped dates (I have been known to add more)
1/3c organic turbinado sugar
1c whole wheat flour
pinch of salt(which I forgot!)
dash of vanilla
nutmeg
cinnamon
1tsp baking soda
1 tsp vinegar
1/3c shredded coconut
2/3c rolled oats
1/3c sliced almonds ( I broke them up some more)

Pre-heat your oven to 325. Spray a small muffin tin (the one that makes the tiny muffins) with cooking spray. I used Organic Grapeseed oil. Mash your banana's, add all ingredients except for the flour, vinegar, coconut, oats and almonds. Mix well and let sit on the side for a few minutes to let the sugar melt a bit and really combine well. Then all the rest of your ingredients. Drop spoonfuls into muffin tins and cook for 15minutes.

Try not to eat them while they are steaming hot! Ohh and lots of times I sub the sugar for honey or maple syrup and use a lot less. I just happened to have sugar today.

Warm Wishes!

When dinner goes, well not how you thought it would

2010-05-19T00:31:00.002-04:00

Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason and dinner just goes south. In a rather spectacular fashion. My husband is Puerto Rican and he likes his salt, I would have to say it is his Achilles Heel of cooking (mine is red pepper flakes. I have nearly choked us all a few times). So you can imagine, when his means go south the salt content goes north. That brings us to tonight. Last Thursday, Husband had made this amazing broccoli and tofu sabjee. A sabjee is a mixed vegetable dish. Sometimes soupy, sometimes dry. This one was dry. Normally it would be a mixed vegetable but we needed some protein, so he added tofu. It was wonderful. I can not tell a lie and say I was not surprised at how well it turned out, because my husband sometimes has grand and interesting combination of foods he likes to put together. So, tonight I asked him how he made it so we could have it again. He explained to me about the spices. I made some roasted eggplant slices, some coconut rice (which was AMAZING! All you do is use the canned coconut milk instead of water to cook your rice in) and we started on the sabjee. When I handed him the spices he mixed and ground I noticed it was specked with a lot of salt. I didn't say anything because I figured he knew what he was doing. But there was one big thing that stood in his way.

See, being a Vaisnava, there are certain foods you abstain from (onions and garlic. I am not a devotee and although I do enjoy these, I abstain from them a lot)and you offer your food up before you eat it. And since you are offering it up for God, you are not to taste it while cooking. Ever cooked without tasting? It's hard work. Really hard! Well, we offered up dinner tonight

yummy! looks good doesn't it?

Well, your eyes deceive you!!!!!! That broccoli tofu sabjee was almost inedible!! Husband put SO much salt into it that I almost gagged. Now, we don't have much money, so left overs are precious to us, and throwing out food sometimes will make me sprout some tears. But thank goodness we had my luscious coconut milk rice. Mixing the vegetables up with the rice helped distribute the salt a bit. The tofu was good, but man, biting into that broccoli was rough! The salt seemed to settle into the broccoli(as lots of yummy sauces do!!! That is why broccoli is magical!) and when you bit into it, it was like the ocean in your mouth. Dear me. I think Husband learned his lesson and stopped making fun of me for under salting our prasadam. You can always add more salt, but you can't take away!!!

Thank goodness we didn't waste to much broccoli.

And just for something strange. We were outside today and Husband went to bring the garbage can back in when we noticed a strange friend.

Strange little fellow. Thank goodness he was out of the way, as my daughter is terrified of bugs. It took me a ten minutes of coaxing to get her to let a lady bug crawl on her fingers. She would holler and screech and run. Then finally I got her to just let her on her finger for a second and she loved it. Strange little thing she is.

Warm Wishes!

18 May 2010

2010-05-18T00:36:00.003-04:00

So, last Thursday my husband and I hosted a party for friends of his temple. Since it was his birthday week (30!) he was excited to have some friends over for some dinner. Well, it turns out that there was a rather senior devotee of his Guru in town. This made my husband so happy. Plus it is always a treat to hear someone that is older to talk about life and experience. Well it turned out that she was more senior than we though. This was actually one of the most dear devotees to his Guru, almost like his right hand woman! We were very blessed indeed to have her give a class at our house. Her name was Uma Didi and she is nearly 90. Actually maybe a bit older. She gave a rather animated class, full of energy and information. She was a very humble, sweet woman and it was a joy to chat with her and run around all day cleaning for her. Well, my husband ran around cleaning and cooking, I had to work. He did such a good job! We had 17 people at our house. My husband has never cooked for that many without me manning the helm, so I got a few concerned phone calls during the day. But everything turned out wonderful and we received very wonderful compliments!

So, it was a lovely evening and gave our house a wonderful feel to it.

Then Sunday was Papi's big day!

Happy Birthday, Papi!

A very happy birthday to a very important person in M's and my life. Husband turned 30 this past Sunday and we had a rather quiet celebration at home. The day before Husband and M went to Busch Gardens with his parents. So they were tired and sunned out. A quiet day was in order. M and I made coconut cupcakes with mango cream cheese frosting the night before. We had a lovely breakfast, great lunch and then singing and cupcakes afterward. We also launched our etsy store (and still have more things to put up on there)! So it was a rather busy weekend.

Warm Wishes!

GRAND OPENING!!

2010-05-16T16:25:00.003-04:00

We are proud to announce that Tulsi Leaf Traders on Etsy has finally opened! We have been working hard and are very excited to start our new adventure.

Please stop by and if you buy something, add GRANDOPENING in your paypal notes and we will give you free shipping.

Tusli Leaf Traders on Etsy

Also, once we get to 50 followers we will do a giveaway!

Warm Wishes!

Testing

2010-04-07T09:04:00.001-04:00

Testing

one

two

three

four

Tulsi Leaf

Love

Where 30 year olds go to retire......

moving on up.......

Familiar

It's all so quiet, Shhhhh Shhhhhh

Where did the time go?

So Tired.

So tired.

Fall

Special Day

Music Camp

Summer catch up

Graduation

*sigh*

Ah summer.

I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see.

Either Way

is this thing on?

Happy Halloween/Happy New Year!

To much.....

When you wish upon a star.....

a late WIP wednesday

Finally!

YAY!

Boo.

is this thing on?

Dog days of summer......

A thought

The itsy, bitsy spider

Limbo

Kitchen Witch? Or witchy kitchen?

Birthdays, Beaches and Burns!

It flies, doesn't it?

Boo

Morse Code anyone?

Something wonderful this way comes!

WIP Wednesday

Oh My!

Cause I got to!

who turned the oven on?

21 June 2010

"You spotted snakes with double tongue, Thorny hedgehogs, be not seen; Newts and blind-worms, do no wrong,... Come not near our fairy queen."

A favor

And the winner is.................

Last day!

To everything.....

Giveaway!

Bored?!

A fly by

Houseguests

Watch the weather change

boo

All over the place!

Tis the season

WIP Wednesday!

When dinner goes, well not how you thought it would

18 May 2010

GRAND OPENING!!

Testing

sigh

"You spotted snakes with double tongue,
Thorny hedgehogs, be not seen;
Newts and blind-worms, do no wrong,
... Come not near our fairy queen."